My most favorite memory is one I can't really capture in a picture. I wished so much I had a video camera rolling, but this snapshot was taken at the end of the night when we were saying our goodbyes...the exact same time I heard Alex whisper in his brother's ear,
Hey, take care of mom and Em, ok? Do you hear me?
I love you
A moment forever embedded into my memory.
About that time I decided not to hold back any longer and the tears came. It was a sweet moment with alot of hugs and "I love you's"...and then we were gone. The ride home was quiet...Nick and Emma gave me the time to drive and curl up into my own thoughts for a while. Coming home was weird. It's not like Alex has spent a whole lot of time here this summer...it's been a few months of freedom and fun for him. But driving in the driveway, just the three of us, my heart actually ached. Our family dynamic is different. One of us is missing. It's still good...just different. It'll take a while...like for instance, when I got that ache again tonight when I pulled out three dinner plates, not four....it's going to take some getting used to, this college-thing.
Fortunately for me, there was no time this morning for feeling sorry for myself. After very little sleep I was up early to prepare for a big SALE at Lulu & Tutz. Today and tomorrow we're having a 50% off SALE to prepare for our move next week. The timing is less than desirable, but it kept my mind occupied today, and I suppose will do the same tomorrow. Next week we pack the whole place up in boxes...to store until a plan has been made for the future of the shop. And the next week school starts for the other two. It's a busy few weeks, but I think it's all good.
And it really IS all good. Even the ache of the heart and the leaky tears. I have a new perspective today. I looked at my other two kids who are still in my house, and realized in 3 and 6 years I'll be doing this again...and those years are going to fly by just like Alex's did. I think I'll look at the time we have together differently...through new eyes. It is SO fleeting. So short...too short not to intentionally think about it. They need me NOW....but won't in just a few short years. Time is precious, a lessoned I think I really JUST learned.
More on those thoughts later, and how they pertain to what on earth I will do with the shop or whatever else I end up doing to generate some income into our household. Each lesson heaps on top of the last one...I feel I may need a fair share of quiet time in order to sort through how the combination of them all will affect my future decisions.
I'm in a very LONG waiting room, but it's not really a quiet room...there are voices everywhere trying to sway me to their side! It's just overload today to think about them...enough already, give a mom some peace! They'll still be there tomorrow and the next day when I can relax enough to listen in. (*DISCLAIMER read this* not ACTUAL voices in my head, ok? Just lots of advice- solicited and unsolicited...just wanted to be clear.)
Off to chill with the kids...till next time...