"I hold on to You for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post..." Psalm 63

Saturday, January 21, 2012


It's cold outside...
Snow has fallen...
There's no Lacrosse game today...
And we're here...
peacefully stranded at home by the fire...

At least from where I SIT that is my perspective on the situation.
To my left, this is happening...
...and she is thinking otherwise...
She's tired of being home 
would rather go to the mall...

To my right, THIS is happening
he is in his own contented-obliviousness

Behind me....
way down that way, where Scarlett is snoring around the corner

sweet, sweet silence...

Speaking of Scarlett...
This happened this morning

In the window of the sunroom, 
a burst of color is feasting

Sadly, Alex still had to work today-
No rest for drummers, apparently...

This is the kind of day mothers dream of...

"We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet,
 to love, to share. This is a precious moment, but it is transient.
 It is a little parenthesis in eternity. If we share with caring, 
lightheartedness, and love, we will create abundance and joy
 for each other. And then this moment will have been worthwhile."
Deepak Chopra

{*Deepak Chopra is some kind of weird dude...I just googled him.  I like this quote-but may not agree with one other thing he has to say...just putting that out there!}

Monday, January 16, 2012

Resolve...and living

These next months are before me 
and in the back of my mind always...

They are a tribute to the fact that life is an endless cycle.
We birth,
we nurture,
we teach,
we empower,
we push forward...
and eventually {all too soon} we release completely.

While these thoughts provoke ache in a mother's heart,
they are reality.
They do not wait until we are ready...
because, truly..
would we be ready?

Move forward,
that is what we do...
with steps more deliberate 
eyes open a bit wider.

I don't want to miss this moment...
all too soon it will be gone, too.

And it still surprises me when I see him walk in front of me 
in seemingly slow motion..
my eye, like a lens, capturing the sight of him in slow motion...
stashed away, 
filed for a later day when the sight of him is needed.

There is temptation to let the melancholy seep in
to give in to the lure of discontentment.

But such is not for me
it is not for me to wish away today
for the fear of what comes tomorrow.

It is mine to live today
with contentment
and joy
Resolved to be present...

There are three children in this house today...
not one who has enlisted allegiance to his future...

There are three...
and they are counting on my presence to show up to live today.

"Don't lose your grip on Love and Loyalty. 
   Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.
Earn a reputation for living well 
   in God's eyes and the eyes of the people. 

  Trust God from the bottom of your heart; 
   don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; 
   he's the one who will keep you on track."
Prov. 3

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Tomorrow...when the time comes...

It happens tomorrow.  
3:30 pm.
I'm not ready...
but I don't imagine there will come a day when I actually will be.

Tomorrow the process begins...
it will be the first of many steps
But, barring a miracle a drastic change,
once this first step is taken,
there is no turning back.

I've known for months this day was coming
it's been looming in the distance,
just where I like it-
the distance.

While my words and my resolve say one thing...
my mother-heart screams another.

I'm feeling a little like I did on this day:
I can remember the emotion of it like it was yesterday.
It was so right and so good...
and at the same time heart-wrenching.

I'm feeling a little like that.

But the thing is, I'm like 6 months early-
Nick isn't going anywhere for a while.
He still has school to finish up...
We have a family cruise to enjoy...
There's a lot of living to do between 

But nonetheless...
I'm feeling it deep.

And at a moment's notice,
tears threaten.

So tomorrow,
it's time to regroup,
to eat the bread of Thankfulness
TRUST one more time.

I wish to give a little speech 
to put words to the pride I feel in him..
but it's more likely I will be involuntarily silenced...
and it's probably for the best.

There is time to say those things...
and they will be said.

Tomorrow is for that thing that every mother must inevitably do..
stand beside your child as he follows his heart
one hand open
the other one gently pushing forward...

when the time comes...

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
Matthew 6:34

Sunday, January 8, 2012

2012...Back in business

My computer is back! 

She's had a miraculous recovery that cannot be explained...
Her unfortunate death happened about three months ago  
And it's been annoying and frustrating to use the old house computer-so I stayed away as much as possible.
BUT...just the other day a friend said he would take a look at her to see if perhaps he could just start all over and rebuild her, brand new.

It took him about 5.5 seconds because when he pushed the ON button
she came ON...
Even though she didn't sputter or cough any of the {many} times I had tried to resuscitate her before...
Nor did she even blink the time the Best Buy Geek Squad tried to jump start her. 

It's beyond me...I have no idea why she laid to rest those 3 months and now is working just fine...
but I'll take it.

While I've been gone a few things have happened around here
like this:
Scarlett came to live with us the day after Christmas...
we kind of like her
a lot.
She's changed our schedules and our routines
but in a good way.
She likes to play
and chew...
{Pretty sure there's a spot waiting for us at the local Puppy Academy}

We're finally back in the swing of things after the holidays.
I may or may not have been cheering when the kids went back to school on Monday...
It was time to get back to normal, for sure.

and as I reflected on the passing of 2011, I was able to see, with deep gratitude, 
a year that was filled with the blessing of family.

I look forward- to all that 2012 will hold for our family
and all I see is 

I will graduate another son this year...
and he has his sights on 
the Marines...
I don't need to spell out all of the things that go through a mother's heart when she hears these words.
All I know for sure is that
 I have held my children close through these years,
 and I do not live with regrets...

And so I can already see that there will be a daily need to 
TRUST hard
throughout this year.

It is inevitable
our children grow up
and out
it's what we raise them to do...

Speaking of growing OUT...
has been looking at apartments with his friends...
and I imagine at some point this year, they will find the one they're searching for
and he'll be moving out on his own

It is inevitable
our children grow up
and out
it's what we raise them to do...
but are we ever really prepared for how quickly 
it sneaks up on us?

When I asked the LORD to give me a word to dwell on this year,
you can imagine I was not surprised to hear that the word of the year is

I'm pretty sure there will be some tough days this year for our family...
so many changes.
But I'm resolved to take them in stride and remember that 
we've done tough days before

and we got through them the same way we'll get through these...
by learning to 

In the meantime I am soaking in every minute that I have with my children all together under one roof.
If I'm lucky, the four of us gather around the same dinner table once or twice a week...
I told them last night, that there is no greater gift they could give me than to sit and eat together-
doesn't matter if it's steak or PB&J, as long as all four of us are around the same table...
{Some smart-alec blurted out, "That's good, mom, cause we weren't planning on buying any gifts!"}

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; 
   don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; 
   he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all. 
   Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health, 
   your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own..."
Proverbs 3 

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