Humph...

The weatherman is calling for MORE of this tomorrow...

He had the nerve to say I should be thankful for another 12" of insulation around my house.

He is a hater.

All I want to see is a little of this...

And hang out here for a while...

I don't want to do this ANYmore, do you hear me????

I'm finished...

I refuse to do it anymore.

If you need me, you can find me here...

my mother heart...

swelled on Friday when I clicked on my blog to find my son is now "following" me on here.  I wasn't sure how to react...is he checking up on me?  Stalking me?  Or just afraid I'll say something that might embarrass him???  Either way, it makes me smile to see the little picture of his face each time I log on!

And then tonight I logged onto his facebook page...only to find he's posted an announcement that he's started his OWN blog.  Be still my heart!  As with every mom of college kids, I often wonder what my son is thinking, what's keeping him busy, and what makes him tick.  Granted, sometimes when I find out what he's thinking I would like to retract it immediately...but really, I miss him and just want to know what he's up to each day!  So when I read his first post, my mother heart swelled again...not because I have raised this young man to be who he is...on the contrary, he is a testimony to God's faithful steadiness in the life of those who suffer a broken heart. 

My firstborn son endured heartache no child should be allowed to know.  His 7 year old world was ripped apart. He was old enough to understand and old enough to hurt.  Old enough to be filled with fear....and old enough to know what he was losing.  I vividly remember panic attacks and cries of fear...begging me to pray for him.  My heart was bruised and broken....but even more so watching the reaction of the one child who felt the greatest impact and abandonment.  The others mirrored his reactions, but only because they watched him so closely. 

Twelve years later they are still watching.  But in a different way.  We trudged through some of those hard years, finding our way and our new "normal".  And on the other side, we found that our normal was pretty good...blessed, even.  And this firstborn son..the one who bore such a heavy heart, is now free of heart and spirit and following hard after Jesus.  Tattoos and gages not withstanding, he is on a journey to find out who he was created to be.  He is full of life.  Full of laughter.  Full of potential. 

His journey that started with heartbreak has caused him to look heavenward for direction. He's growing and stretching.  Nothing, not an intact family, not an unbroken family...nothing... is better than that. 

So, let me introduce you to my son and his new blog.  Visit often.  Leave him some love....tell him his mommy sent you....

take this life make it yours

(click the link above)

A little yellow plow...

So this is what happened last night while we were sleeping....

and this is what it looked like this morning when we attempted to dig ourselves out...

this is Emma thinking she's too weak to shovel...

and this is the measuring device that tells us it's going to be long day...

For whatever reason, Alex decided to come home this weekend.  He EVEN decided to come home after he KNEW it would snow a bajillion inches.  And he EVEN came home knowing he'd be out with a shovel for several hours helping us dig out.  I love that kid. 

I found out I am not as strong as I wish I was.  About a half hour into the shoveling process I was ready to quit.  But so were they...so we continued on so that no one would quit. Meanwhile our neighbors had already finished up their own driveways with their snowblowers and were probably sipping hot chocolate  watching us struggle to make a dent in ours.  I'm not bitter.. But, it was a good time to teach my boys a lesson about buying themselves a truck and a snowblower when they're older so that they can dig out every single mom and old lady they know.  Just saying...

Eventually fatique won out and we just plain old QUIT and went inside.

About an hour later, along came a little snowplow from the business across the street, and within minutes, our cars were set free.  Our hard work managed to give us a great workout, but the best thing of the day was that little yellow plow.  THANK YOU, SIR.  I believe you just won yourself a little jewel in your crown!

I can now appreciate the view out the window...and I sort of like snow again. 

The plan for the rest of the day is NO-thing.

Maybe a movie or two...maybe a little food...maybe nothing else.

Day 3 of Project "Stuck-in-my-House"....

Day 2 of Emma's flu, Day 3 of being home all day.  If I had known the flu would hit, I might not have chosen to stay home on Monday...although it was a very beneficial day here.  Emma's feeling much perkier this morning...even ate a PopTart!  But, not quite up to a whole day of sitting in school...so, one more day here. (Dear Lord, PLEASE don't let Nick come down with it tomorrow!!!!!) 
She may, in fact, be up to a little car ride later to pick up homework from school...here's hoping!

By this time, I'm going a little stir crazy.  Not that there's not PLENTY of things to do around here, but it's that psychological thing....the fact that I have no choice but to be home again today that makes me think I'm going to go crazy by the end of it. 
But, I won't...

Truth be told, I'm so thankful that I have the privilege of being home and available to the kids for this period of time.  I make it sound like it's an inconvenience to be here...but it's really not.  I love home.  I love home when my kids are in it.  And, I love home when my kids are not in it.  My ideal life would be to have a flexible enough schedule to be in and out of HOME as I want, and still have a paying job.  Sounds a little idealistic, I know...but it can happen, right??? 

{I'm voting for a job that involves sitting on my computer at the local coffee shop}

Speaking of coffee....you know I'm bored when it's 9:00am and I'm taking pictures of my morning cup of joe.  But, there's a reason for this one...I found a new coffee this week.  It jumped into my cart at Darrenkamps, and, I'm really enjoying it...maybe because it's roasted by a local company...maybe because it's nice and strong - just the way I like it.

You can find it here

Here's what their website had to say about the Lancaster County Coffee Roasters:

"Based in downtown Lancaster, Lancaster County Coffee Roasters is a coffee boutique offering up freshly roasted hand crafted small batch coffee on a daily basis"

COFFEE BOUTIQUE!??!! 

I'm so there when I get out of here.

Speaking of getting out of here....

Looks like I have something to do today, after all...or I'll be going NOwhere. 

(GULP...I don't like to be told "I'm going nowhere" - in any sense of the phrase.)

"And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us, confirming the work that we do.

Oh, yes. Affirm the work that we do!"

Psalm 90:17

Around here....

...this can mean only one thing...

SOMEone is home from school w/the flu! 

This water jug has been around since I left the hospital with one of my newborn babies...can't remember which one.  It's either 19, 16, or 13 years old!  It's seen better days...has a crack in the lid, BUT..it's still the go-to cup for everyone who comes down with any kind of flu-bug!  None of us would DARE drink out of it if we're not head-first in the toilet or sweating with fever.

This morning, shortly after the rude alarm woke us up, Emma slinked into my room and complained of  stomach and head aches.  After (selfishly) trying to convince her she's ok, I agreed to let her sleep in for an hour and see if she's feeling up to going to school later.  (*Selfish me wanted to spend the morning with my dad at Panera as planned...we had some SERIOUS talking to do!)  Thankfully, common sense screams louder than my selfish self, because not an hour later, she was, in fact, head-first in the toilet.  Poor thing...

So, I headed to the Library...

for videos...

...and came home with a bonus in the FREEBIE box, for me...

Plus, THIS

came in the mail yesterday, and I can't wait to get lost in it! 

So, in between this....

and this....

(and trying to ignore the nagging feeling my stomach hurts...)

.....it's a good day...

Two things I hate and One that I love...

Two things I'm not happy about this Monday morning....

THIS PILE...

...which happens to be bills...today's the day. 

I cannot wait another hour, they MUST be paid...or else...

AND THIS...

Notice the inspection date??  Expired January 31, 2010. 

That was yesterday. 

She will be inspected tomorrow morning...until then, she will be extra careful to follow every Speed limit sign, every road rule and anything else that will cause her to blend in to her environment. 

So sorry, Mr. Copper...I promise I'll try not to do it again.

These two annoying tasks creep up on me ALL the time.  I confess I am not very good at doing the things I hate on time.  I am a procrastinator at heart.  I procrastinate what I hate...and sometimes even what I love.  BUT...I DO get them done.  As you can see, some completely fall off my radar until I know I'm in trouble....like the above.

But really...I DO have good reasons for feeding the procrastinator lurking inside me.  Namely, it's the lack of a steady income.  You simply cannot pay your piles of bills or send your car to Mr. Mechanic if your check cannot back up the funds.  You can't...

This has become the way of life around here for years.  I can't say I love it or that I'm used to it, even after 12 years.  But, it is a fact of my circumstances, so I've learned to pray alot and wait on a plan.  I've learned to STRETCHHH a dollar and am continually mastering the art of being patient.  It's why I say no to things we don't need to have or do.  It's why we are satisfied without the latest trinket...and extremely grateful for what we do have. 

This weekend we were blessed by two different sources who had NO idea how empty my bank account was.  I was sweating bullets - not going to lie.  I did alot of praying last week...alot of wondering when I would get some relief and answers.  I struggled not to complain...at least not outloud.  In my heart many a question was whispered...Why a dead-end at every job search?  Why is there no relief after all this time?  Why do I still ask why?  Why is it still so hard?

Can't say I heard answers...but the incredible gifts of generousity were from His hand, I have no doubt.  I am constantly checking myself..making sure I haven't missed a cue or headed down a wrong path and ended up tracking my own two feet instead of God's footprints.  As He has for so long, He is continually reminding me to stay calm, be diligent and wait on Him. 

I don't want to.

But I will. 

Thank you, Father...as you promised generations ago, you have supplied all of our needs. 

And that is enough.

"And my God will meet all your needs..."

Phil. 4:19

It has come to my attention...

...that it is soon to be bathing-suit-shopping-time again.  I hate that time of year.  It used to be that I hated it because I hate every single suit I've ever tried on.  But, I'm past that now...I only wish for those days.  These days I break out in a  sweat thinking about bathing suit shopping because I. HAVE. A. 13. YEAR. OLD. DAUGHTER.  And...the designer world hates me and is out to personally sabotage my relationship with Miss Emma who only wants to wear what everyone else is wearing...but what everyone else is wearing is really hard to see, because all you really see is THEIR WHOLE BODY..know what I mean???

I don't get it. 

Why is it so hard to create and sell cute bathing suits in great prints that are ALSO modest?  I'm not talking prudish here...I'm just talking a little covering up.  I'm not even talking a full out one piece - even I understand that.  I can even deal with a little belly peeking out...But, really, would it kill Target to actually sell two pieces that have more than an 1/16 of a yard of fabric?  You're killing me here...I feel it coming on...a brawl of the wills.  And all because someone out there decided that the skimpier the bathing suit, the better.  And now mothers like me have to argue with their daughters over what it means to cover their bodies because everyone ELSE in the WORLD will be wearing THIS...

Really?

Great fabric...but can we cover a little MORE??

This one I like...cute fabric and covers much more.....

Question is, will she go for it???

sigh...not a chance.

random thoughts from my day...

My day started out on my favorite chair with this on my lap...

I'm terrible at getting up early...I hate it actually.  But this morning I knew if I were to have a few moments to myself it was going to be before the kids woke up.  (SOMEone decided it would be a good idea to give them off school on a Tuesday.  WHY?)  It was a good day...and probably because I got up early. 

(Bonus material here:  My sister IS a morning person.  She's decided to go back to school this year, and so every morning she is up at some UNgodly time...last I heard it was a consistent 5am.  She manages to have her quiet reading time, coffee AND a walk at the Y before her kids are up and out the door at 7. 

She is A-mazing. And I hate her for it a little bit.  It's all I can do to get to the gym at ALL...you'd think visions of Her-Royal-Perkiness clocking the miles on the treadmill in the dark would motivate ME to break out the Nikes.  Sigh...it doesn't)

Emma drug me to the library the other day to check out "Lovely Bones".  Her friends are reading it and she wanted to, too.  I'm a total skeptic about the books kids are reading today.  And, they're readily available at the Middle School library - giving the assumption that they are all suitable to read.  I get the eye-roll everytime we have this conversation...which is why she drug me to the library, hoping to convince me that she should read it.  SO....

It's sitting by my bed and I'm checking it out for her.  I'm enjoying it through an adult's eyes...not so sure it'll pass the test for hers, though.  We'll see in a few days. 

I read "Twilight" this year, too, for the same reason.

It didn't pass the test, although I've watched the movie with her twice.  (*I wasn't a fan of the obsession that Bella had for Edward.  It didn't come out as much in the movie, but was 90% of the theme of the book.  A little too premature for a 13 year old girl....at least in my house.)  I understand the draw of it, though...even though I had no interest in it at first, it definitely got my attention and I was eager to finish it.  I can hear some of my readers questioning the "double standard"...why is it ok for me and not her?  I look at it this way: she is so impressionable. 

The world around her has a very strong message.  And it is this:  "Please yourself.  Do whatever makes you happy -you deserve it.  Make your own rules.  If it feels good to you, then it's ok." 

I object.

It's come to my attention more and more in the last few years that the kids of this generation - ESPECIALLY those who were raised in the church - have NO idea what is right and wrong.  They are masters of compromise and live lives of duplicity.  They buy into the world's message and are totally confused about what they believe in.  (I'm generalizing, I know...it's not ALL young people, I know, but there are many, many who are stuck in the world's rut)

Anyway..I'm getting way off the subject.  All of this to say, around here it's not easy to get approval on books...I wish it weren't so, but it's hard to find something that Emma WANTS to read that is completely free of language and questionable message.  It won't always be this way...there will come a time when I will be able to release her to make some of her own reading choices.  But as long as she is showing tendancies of being impressionable and vulnerable to every message around her but the Right One...I guess this is the path we'll continue to take.  Would it surprise you to hear that girls are SO different from boys in this area???!!!  At least in my house this is true.  My boys read whatever I brought home...and actually THANKED me for bringing them!  Emma...not so much!  It's sad, actually, the way girls have to fight their way through so much peer influence and the desire to blend in.  There's something nice about the ability boys have to just be themselves.  (I know, generalizing again...I'm only going by what I see in my own house.)

I've been following Stephanie Nielson's blog for a while...she has such a captivating story to tell.  If you've never been there, pour yourself a cup of coffee and prepare to be on the edge of your seat.  I'll let her tell you the details, but the very short version is that she and her husband were in a plane crash just over a year ago and she is blogging about her life and her ongoing recovery. 

I am constantly humbled by this woman.  She is enduring daily pain...and she is totally candid about it on her blog...but in the midst of her pain, she is living life.  And she is finding joy. This past week she had another corrective surgery and her husband took over her blog.  It was the sweetest thing.  Bookmark her...and when you are having a bad day or feeling sorry for yourself for whatever reason - read it again. 
She is one amazing woman. 

Well, that's it...it's almost midnight, and morning is around the corner.  (*Perhaps we're getting the idea of why it's so hard for me to get up early???) 
It's been another ordinary day around here....and for that I am thankful. 

The bride wore white....

I'm in LOVE with this blog and it's mission to connect brides in Africa with beautiful wedding dresses from all over the world....what a wonderful idea.  After all, we all enjoy beautiful things, and everyone's wedding dress should be special.  Thank you, Vashti, for making the world smaller...and wedding days more special.

Picture from Rich Bride, Poor Bride

My heart is heavy...

I've been watching alot of news coverage the last few days...mesmorized by the horror that the nation of Haiti is living in this week....and for so many, many years to come.  I want to buy a plane ticket and sit on a corner just holding all of those sweet little babes who are now orphaned.  I'm not a nurse, I'm not fluent in French...but my arms are well trained to hug away the burdens of my children.  Who will wrap their arms around these little ones who watch with wide eyes...eyes that don't recognize a familiar face around them...eyes that see only despair and hopelessness. 

It makes no sense...it feels so wrong...

hello, sweet boy...so glad you have been rescued...

I've watched faces of hundreds of people wrenched with grief.  Looking around them nothing looks like it will ever be right again.  I cannot imagine.  My own family is tucked safely into their beds...wearing clean pjs, covered with warm blankets, with full bellies.  For this I am thankful...this moment of peace can be snatched away in an instant...life is so fragile.

There are glimpses of hope coming from strangers reaching out to strangers.  In a time of extreme economic difficulty our nation has sent over $100 million.  Our humanitarian hearts break for other nations in crisis...and I'm so glad that they do.  I've seen coverage of workers with World Vision and Compassion International who survived the earthquake and are now not only feeding mouths, but also feeding souls. 

I found a great blog written by a woman whose family is living and ministering in Haiti...check it out here.

 I can do nothing with my heavy heart but pray...for the faces of the children left behind...for the mother who's arms are empty...for the father who continues to search.  Even when there are no answers, there is still Hope.  God is still God...and His eye is still upon each one....

"God is a safe place to hide,
ready to help when we need Him.
We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,

courageous in seastorm and earthquake,

Before the rush and roar of oceans,
the tremors that shift mountains.

Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,

God-of-Angel-Armies protects us."

Psalm 46:1