"I hold on to You for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post..." Psalm 63

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Just one...

The house is quiet and still
I sit in the comfort of my own four walls
and occasionally fill my cup of coffee 
or indulge in a second bowl of cereal...
because I can.

I am captivated and mesmerized by the book on my lap
it is breaking me
causing tears to fall with almost every page...
the words, written in fine print, are as if in BOLD

They are challenging me and convicting me
they are words that read as if extracted from my own thoughts...
but they are being lived out by someone else,
while I sit in comfort and read them.

I'm not sure I've ever read a book that has cut me deeper

Day after day, as I find time to read on,
as I underline and trace the words into my heart,
I am humbled...

I am not who I want to be.

I'm reading things like this:

"I am living in the midst of the uncertainty and risk, amid things that can and do bring physical destruction, because I am running from things that can destroy my soul: complacency, comfort, and ignorance.  I am much more terrified of living a comfortable life in a self-serving society and failing to follow Jesus than I am of any illness or tragedy."

and this:

"The truth is that if only 8% of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics {of needy, starving children} left.  This is the truth.  I have the freedom to believe it.  The freedom, the opportunity to do something about it.  The truth is that He loves these children just as much as He loves me and now that I know...I am responsible."

and this:
"In so many places, we sit in church and talk about compassion, unimaginable love, revival.  
And then an hour later, we are STILL sitting there talking about it..."

And God has this to say to me:
"The smallness you feel comes from within you.  
Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way.  
I'm speaking as plainly as I can with great affection.  
Open up your lives. 
 Live openly and expansively!"
II Corinthians 6:10

And even though I KNOW...
the answer is not to fly to Africa and leave the ones He's called me to love here and now..
I still ask...
What do you want from me?  
I am not to take lightly the fact that the words in this book break me.

  Breaking without action = nothing {NO GOOD THING}

As the BOLD letters form words that speak,
He whispers with them...
"choose one today"

He calls me to one
One at a time...here

And it's not a coincidence that just "one" stood in front of me yesterday...
she thanked me 
she stood carrying tiny life inside of her...
and she chose it
because one day...weeks ago...
she took a test that said "Positive"
and sat wide-eyed with fear
listening to Jesus 
use my mouth 
to form words that whispered hope to "one".

I had almost forgotten about her in the crowd of many since...
but she returned, 
this time with a smile
a hug....
and said
Thank you for helping me save my baby.

I almost cried as she hugged me
because the hug was from Him...
He needed me to know that there's work to be done right where I am
and He's in it
and He's doing it..

It is not enough...
there are many more who need to be the next "one"..

I have hope that a day will come when I return to a place that stole part of my heart..
when what I know HERE will help "one" THERE...

But today,
I'm only given "one"...
I pray I will see her and not pass her by....

{I'm reading this:}
"I knew that I was here just to love...
and the rest I would figure out in time"
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