Just one...

The house is quiet and still

I sit in the comfort of my own four walls

and occasionally fill my cup of coffee 

or indulge in a second bowl of cereal...

because I can.

I am captivated and mesmerized by the book on my lap

it is breaking me

causing tears to fall with almost every page...

the words, written in fine print, are as if in BOLD

They are challenging me and convicting me

they are words that read as if extracted from my own thoughts...

but they are being lived out by someone else,

while I sit in comfort and read them.

I'm not sure I've ever read a book that has cut me deeper

Day after day, as I find time to read on,

as I underline and trace the words into my heart,

I am humbled...

I am not who I want to be.

I'm reading things like this:

"I am living in the midst of the uncertainty and risk, amid things that can and do bring physical destruction, because I am running from things that can destroy my soul: complacency, comfort, and ignorance.  I am much more terrified of living a comfortable life in a self-serving society and failing to follow Jesus than I am of any illness or tragedy."

and this:

"The truth is that if only 8% of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics {of needy, starving children} left.  This is the truth.  I have the freedom to believe it.  The freedom, the opportunity to do something about it.  The truth is that He loves these children just as much as He loves me and now that I know...I am responsible."

and this:

"In so many places, we sit in church and talk about compassion, unimaginable love, revival.  

And then an hour later, we are STILL sitting there talking about it..."

And God has this to say to me:

"The smallness you feel comes from within you.  

Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way.  

I'm speaking as plainly as I can with great affection.  

Open up your lives. 

 Live openly and expansively!"

II Corinthians 6:10

And even though I KNOW...

the answer is not to fly to Africa and leave the ones He's called me to love here and now..

I still ask...

What do you want from me?  

I am not to take lightly the fact that the words in this book break me.

  Breaking without action = nothing {NO GOOD THING}

As the BOLD letters form words that speak,

He whispers with them...

"choose one today"

He calls me to one

One at a time...here

And it's not a coincidence that just "one" stood in front of me yesterday...

she thanked me 

she stood carrying tiny life inside of her...

and she chose it

because one day...weeks ago...

she took a test that said "Positive"

and sat wide-eyed with fear

listening to Jesus 

use my mouth 

to form words that whispered hope to "one".

I had almost forgotten about her in the crowd of many since...

but she returned, 

this time with a smile

and 

a hug....

and said

Thank you for helping me save my baby.

I almost cried as she hugged me

because the hug was from Him...

He needed me to know that there's work to be done right where I am

and He's in it

and He's doing it..

It is not enough...

there are many more who need to be the next "one"..

I have hope that a day will come when I return to a place that stole part of my heart..

when what I know HERE will help "one" THERE...

But today,

I'm only given "one"...

I pray I will see her and not pass her by....

{I'm reading this:}

"I knew that I was here just to love...

and the rest I would figure out in time"

How do our hearts respond?

When disaster strikes around the world and our hands cannot physically do anything to help, how do our hearts respond to tragedy at someone else's expense?  

Do they respond at all?  

I admit to being a late-comer to the news coverage in Japan.
My weekend was full and I'm not proud to say it became about ME and MY schedule and MY world.  

And not until yesterday did I sit down and really LOOK through eyes of compassion. 

How dare I?

While I cleaned my home for visitors, 

around the world there were real people trying to find their homes

while my home filled up with 

family 

and 

friends

there were real people searching desperately for theirs

life as they knew it a few days ago is gone

treasures stored up are broken and useless

{was there once a child in that empty basket?}

where once there was

 laughter

comfort

provision

safety

I imagine there is now a constant echo of

fear

resentment

anxiety

grief

hunger

bitterness

and for good reason...

life as it had been   

has changed.

displacement

and

deep, deep heartache

is everywhere

I cannot fathom such wrenching pain.

I've known my own

but with safety of 

home

family

clean water

food on the table

Never complete nothingness. 

Never.

But it can happen.

To any of us.

Anywhere.

The pictures remind me of

Haiti in ruin.

The aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

I saw firsthand in 2006 and again in 2008 how devastating a natural disaster can be on 

families

homes

churches

communities

whole cities

But I also witnessed what it looks like when many hands work together for the common good.

I saw people who should have been devastated

 and frankly no one would have blamed them 

if they'd curled up in the fetal position for an inordinate amount of time.

I saw these people helping one another.

They had NOTHING left

and yet they gave.

They were the most grateful people I've ever met.

They fed us voluminous amounts of food

out of what little they had.

They 

chose 

Joy

And it was unnatural.

But it was beautiful.

I don't know how to rectify in my head the amount that was lost

and I'd never EVER sugar coat by saying 

"eventually it will be okay again"

The grieving father, mother, sister, brother

don't need to hear that today.

Today there is deep pain.

But I can't help but wonder about the stories we have not yet heard.

Stories of HOPE that will rise out of the rubble

{all pictures taken from boston.com}

Children who will rise up and rebuild what was lost and broken.

This story is not fully written

There will come a day of redemption 

when all disaster will be made sense

on the other side.

But maybe not until then.

Today it just hurts 

and 

makes you feel helpless.

And I think that's ok...

it's where God's heart of compassion merges with ours

and begins a new thing inside of us.

"When he looked out over the crowds, his heart broke. So confused and aimless they were, like sheep with no shepherd. 

"What a huge harvest!" he said to his disciples. 

"How few workers! On your knees and pray for harvest hands!"

Matthew 9:36