"I hold on to You for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post..." Psalm 63

Saturday, May 14, 2011


I've neglected writing this week.
 I've spent the week
 getting a farmer's tan,
 catching up with a few friends,
 driving the kids here, there
...and back again
And a host of other things that seem unimportant, 
but really are just a part of this life I call 

Whilst I carry on with my "normal" routine
and one day turns into the next
my thoughts drift often to a beautiful woman I know 
who is fighting a hard battle with cancer.

my thoughts turn to questions
and I try to wrap my head around 
God's ways.

It makes no human sense that someone with a heart so lovely should suffer so deeply.
It makes no sense that the man who calls her "Sweetie" should stand helplessly by
as his life shifts off kilter. 
A mother and father watch the child they gave life,
fight for her next breath.
The ones who call her "Sister",
who made mud pies and caught fireflies with her
now stand by unable to do anything 
but watch.
Countless children whom she taught and shared Jesus with
look on with eyes wide with wonder.

What is going on in the mind of a God who is a Father,
who watches on while His child suffers?
How does He bear it,
what makes Him hold back His hand of restoration?
How could THIS be good
and purposeful
and all a part of His plan?


I wrote this last night and just couldn't really finish my thoughts...
today I have a new perspective...
this morning I woke to find this woman has found her healing.

"We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on 
our heavenly bodies like new clothing."
II Corinthians 5:2

She has a new ancient home...
It's the home that was created for her before she was born.
It is the place she lived her life longing for.

She was welcomed there this morning in what I can only imagine
was quite a grand affair.
I'm picturing some other dear women she knew who have traveled there just this year.
I imagine they were waiting to see her
to catch up and show her around...

But I wonder if she even noticed them
for the glorious Light of the One she's lived her whole life praising
must have captured her attention first.
My mind's eye sees her bowing and singing
getting all choked up with words...

Her healing has come at last...
and her body is whole.
She is spending her first day in heaven...
reveling in its' beauty
the majestic presence of her Saviour.

We grieve for us,
for her family
a second glance makes us sit up and take notice
that she is where she belongs...
and she finally knows the fulfillment of her life's longing.

I see her greeted with a warm hug,
an intimate walk,
questions to ask
and answers to finally be revealed.

She sees the big picture that we are too finite to see...
She hears angelic singing
walks with Jesus.

Back here,
in her old home
we cannot fathom the outcome.
It's a mystery
And I'll be honest and say I don't like it.
And, so, as I've done many times in my life...
I am forced to go back to what I know to be Truth.

"I don't think the way you think.
   The way you work isn't the way I work.
         God's Decree.
For as the sky soars high above earth,
   so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
   and the way I think is beyond the way you think."
Isaiah 55

I hurt for her family
and grieve with the little people who loved her much
But would I deny her the 
new body
face to face reunion
How could I?
She has found her home
and she shares it with the 
Ancient of Days
Alpha and Omega
The Glorious One
who could deny her that?

 "For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.  Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling,  because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.  For we live by faith, not by sight.  We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.  So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it...."
II Corinthians 5

Welcome home, Janet...


Sharon said...

What an absolutely beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman. It needs to be shared with her family. Thank you for sharing it with us. I love you...Mom

Becky K. said...


It is such a hard road to walk...that between this world and the next. We know what we know by faith and we miss those who have gone on before.

I'll keep this family in prayer.

vivien said...


Mrs.Rabe said...

What a beautiful post, Terri.

I heard Ken Ham speak on this subject today at the Homeschool Convention. You are right, she is now truly home.

Janice said...

Whatsoever things are true, honest,just, pure,lovely, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy...think on these things..and the God of peace shall be with you. Terri, your beautiful tribute to Janet and your own musings and soul-searching are all of these things. Thank you!
( Philippians 4:8-9 )

amy said...

Beautiful! I bet her family would find comfort in reading this truly lovely tribute.

Your writing is really inspired, not only in this post but many.


Mark and Heather Buckwalter said...

this is so well written and put into words some thoughts i had this week. you had me crying till the end. thanks.

Kathy Stanley said...

We gathered at Doug's home tonight to give him support as we read through the many sympathy cards that he had received. I opened the one from your parents to find a copy of your post the day Janet went home. Thank you for the beautiful tribute to Janet. You have such a gift of writing and so accurately captured many of the raging emotions that are consuming our hearts as we begin life without her. We cried as we read through your words, tears of the sorrow, tears of missing her deeply, but also the tears of the beginning of healing. Thank you for sharing. Kathy

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