WARNING: A lot of blathering to follow...

I'm not sure I can explain it...not even sure I completely understand it, but there's this thing stirring in me.  It doesn't come from ME, isn't a figment of my imagination and it isn't necessarily something I can fully comprehend yet.  But it is a stirring, and therefore I must at least acknowledge it...whatever that means.

It's not a new stirring...it's been brewing for some time...maybe 10 years or more. 

 It is the foundation of my life and yet it is also somewhat elusive.  

{Elusive: "Eluding clear perception or complete mental grasp;
 hard to express" }

EXACTLY!!! 

It is the idea of 

RADICAL Faith 

 living an "Other-world life"

caring more about others

giving up-

my own desires

my own plans

my own stuff

my own passions

my own thoughts

my own family

my own safety-nets

my own comforts

mySELF...

I don't really know what on earth all of this really means for me...

I feel like I'm still just at the tip of understanding how to fully live this way.

I wish I was smarter than I really am...

wiser than I know I am...

and more able to fully understand all that this is supposed to mean to me.

These aren't new thoughts that haunt me, they just keep developing and widening with each passing year. But they are never very far out of my thoughts.

It's not a coincidence that I'm rereading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan...

nor is it a coincidence that we are right in the middle of our annual Missions Festival at church 

{which has been my FAVORITE week of the year since I was a little girl}.

It's not a coincidence...and it's not an emotional reaction based on other people's experiences...

it's a reoccurring theme that I cannot shake...

even if I wanted to.

I'm being called to something MORE...

And something LESS...


I'm being called to CARE.
To care if someone else hurts,
to care if someone else fails,
to care if someone else is needy,
to care about the things that touch the heart of God.

I'm being called to rethink the thought that life "owes" me ANYthing...
like for some selfish reason I deserve everything and MORE...
and to rethink the thought that "just because I can, I SHOULD."

What about the rest of the people in the world...
If I spend my life satisfying and making my own life comfortable and safe what do I have left for them?
Is that what LIFE is all about?
Was it ever intended to be that way?


These are the thoughts that consume me some days.  
They're the things that make me rebel against tradition and expectation.


I'm not really sure what to do with all of this...
all I know to do is keep living...
but with my eyes WIDE open and looking around
 instead of looking in the mirror.

I'm not sure I'll ever fully GET it.
All I know is that I don't want to MISS it.