"I hold on to You for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post..." Psalm 63

Monday, November 8, 2010

WARNING: A lot of blathering to follow...

I'm not sure I can explain it...not even sure I completely understand it, but there's this thing stirring in me.  It doesn't come from ME, isn't a figment of my imagination and it isn't necessarily something I can fully comprehend yet.  But it is a stirring, and therefore I must at least acknowledge it...whatever that means.

It's not a new stirring...it's been brewing for some time...maybe 10 years or more. 
 It is the foundation of my life and yet it is also somewhat elusive.  

{Elusive: "Eluding clear perception or complete mental grasp;
 hard to express" }

EXACTLY!!! 

It is the idea of 
RADICAL Faith 
 living an "Other-world life"
caring more about others
giving up-
my own desires
my own plans
my own stuff
my own passions
my own thoughts
my own family
my own safety-nets
my own comforts
mySELF...

I don't really know what on earth all of this really means for me...
I feel like I'm still just at the tip of understanding how to fully live this way.

I wish I was smarter than I really am...
wiser than I know I am...
and more able to fully understand all that this is supposed to mean to me.

These aren't new thoughts that haunt me, they just keep developing and widening with each passing year. But they are never very far out of my thoughts.

It's not a coincidence that I'm rereading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan...
nor is it a coincidence that we are right in the middle of our annual Missions Festival at church 
{which has been my FAVORITE week of the year since I was a little girl}.

It's not a coincidence...and it's not an emotional reaction based on other people's experiences...
it's a reoccurring theme that I cannot shake...
even if I wanted to.

I'm being called to something MORE...
And something LESS...


I'm being called to CARE.
To care if someone else hurts,
to care if someone else fails,
to care if someone else is needy,
to care about the things that touch the heart of God.





I'm being called to rethink the thought that life "owes" me ANYthing...
like for some selfish reason I deserve everything and MORE...
and to rethink the thought that "just because I can, I SHOULD."




What about the rest of the people in the world...
If I spend my life satisfying and making my own life comfortable and safe what do I have left for them?
Is that what LIFE is all about?
Was it ever intended to be that way?


These are the thoughts that consume me some days.  
They're the things that make me rebel against tradition and expectation.


I'm not really sure what to do with all of this...
all I know to do is keep living...
but with my eyes WIDE open and looking around
 instead of looking in the mirror.




I'm not sure I'll ever fully GET it.
All I know is that I don't want to MISS it.



5 comments:

Mrs.Rabe said...

This is so good, Terri!

I think this kind of living looks different for different folks...for my inlaws it means physically serving in West Africa, for us it means opening our home to those the Lord brings our way, whether from church or those whom our family loves, but don't know Jesus, or compassion, or true love.

It is simply following His leading today....

consume me... said...

yes...I agree. I also think there's more for me, things I have yet to grasp. But for today...yes...today I LIVE with eyes open to what is right in front of me.

MamaFish said...

It may be elusive, but you described it so well. I feel the same things... I've come across a book title lately that sums it up well: Outlive Your Life (by Max Lucado). That's what I want.

consume me... said...

Thanks, Kelly...I'll look for the book!

Jeane` said...

You know what?
I think I know exactly what you're writing of...
I can't wait to see what it is God has next for you as you abide in Him during the waiting!!!

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