"I hold on to You for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post..." Psalm 63

Sunday, February 7, 2010

my mother heart...

swelled on Friday when I clicked on my blog to find my son is now "following" me on here.  I wasn't sure how to react...is he checking up on me?  Stalking me?  Or just afraid I'll say something that might embarrass him???  Either way, it makes me smile to see the little picture of his face each time I log on!

And then tonight I logged onto his facebook page...only to find he's posted an announcement that he's started his OWN blog.  Be still my heart!  As with every mom of college kids, I often wonder what my son is thinking, what's keeping him busy, and what makes him tick.  Granted, sometimes when I find out what he's thinking I would like to retract it immediately...but really, I miss him and just want to know what he's up to each day!  So when I read his first post, my mother heart swelled again...not because I have raised this young man to be who he is...on the contrary, he is a testimony to God's faithful steadiness in the life of those who suffer a broken heart. 

My firstborn son endured heartache no child should be allowed to know.  His 7 year old world was ripped apart. He was old enough to understand and old enough to hurt.  Old enough to be filled with fear....and old enough to know what he was losing.  I vividly remember panic attacks and cries of fear...begging me to pray for him.  My heart was bruised and broken....but even more so watching the reaction of the one child who felt the greatest impact and abandonment.  The others mirrored his reactions, but only because they watched him so closely. 

Twelve years later they are still watching.  But in a different way.  We trudged through some of those hard years, finding our way and our new "normal".  And on the other side, we found that our normal was pretty good...blessed, even.  And this firstborn son..the one who bore such a heavy heart, is now free of heart and spirit and following hard after Jesus.  Tattoos and gages not withstanding, he is on a journey to find out who he was created to be.  He is full of life.  Full of laughter.  Full of potential. 

His journey that started with heartbreak has caused him to look heavenward for direction. He's growing and stretching.  Nothing, not an intact family, not an unbroken family...nothing... is better than that. 

So, let me introduce you to my son and his new blog.  Visit often.  Leave him some love....tell him his mommy sent you....

(click the link above)

1 comment:

Sharon said...

This mother's heart is also thankful for God's grace, poured out on my broken-hearted child as I watched her learn to trust Him, care for her little broken children, and then raise them up to be the wonderful young people they are becoming. God is faithful! In Him, you are an overcomer! I love you...Mom

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