One Thousand Gifts...

What if

Instead of consuming our minds with what is not good in our lives

We began to see that the small trinkets of blessings in our lives
added up together 

are BIG gifts from the 

heart of God?

What if

Instead of dwelling on the pain that is ever present

or the loved one who is NOT ever present

the loneliness

the illness

or the money that never stretches far enough

We began to see that all around us, 

just past all of these things that stop us cold

there is a storehouse of good things

and treasures of plenty

that are ours already...

but what if 

we miss them.

What if

 we stopped dwelling on the huge inconveniences that overwhelm our lives

and push them aside so we can see these

 tiny 

but

IMMENSE 

moments 

that God places in front of us all day long.

And what if 

we began today to practice being THANKFUL for those things.

We would probably have to 

slow life down

We would probably have to 

open our eyes

And then we would probably have to 

CHOOSE

to give THANKS to God 

for the immeasurable ways He lavishes His

LOVE

on us

And in this process

we might start to see a new heart emerging from inside of us

A thank-filled heart

We might also begin to see the difficult things in a new light

I told you about this book before

and I'll tell you again,

  if you haven't read it

you should

The author has not come up with a new concept

she's not someone to be idolized

She is you

and me

{albeit with an incredible "OTHER world" perspective that is simply not found everyday}

She shares her story of discovery

The discovery of the small and simple

That is really the VAST and MIGHTY

The challenge 

is to lift the chin and gaze 

to what is right in front of you

today

this moment

And find the blessings of God 

right there beside you

It is a challenge to name 1000 Gifts 

that are found in the 

ordinary...

EXTRAordinary

 all around you

To find God's eye is on you 

To live a THANKFUL life

A JOYFUL life

A NEW life

So, here's my plan.  I'm on this journey too.  And in some Bi-Polar-ish way, I have been for some time... yet with an unfocused heart of thankfulnesss.  But, this concept of always looking and intentionally SEEing and WRITING down what I see in the form of a list,this is a new challenge.  

I'm not a consistent list-maker, but I'm up for it. 

 I'll share some, and keep some...just for me.

Here we go...

One Thousand God Gifts

{"The naming of Grace moments"}

1. The first breath of the morning

2.  Children sleeping down the hallway

3. Sun streaming in the window of a quiet house

4. A hot cup of coffee

5. The sound of my washing machine running...

water coming from somewhere outside -soap, cleaning

6. Chapstick found at the bottom of the washer

 that may or may not have put greasy stains on the whole load

a reminder of a young woman emerging 

7. The sound of the wind, the breathe of God, 

blowing outside my window

8. Handmade pottery

9. Healthy hands of the boy who shaped the clay

10. Food on our table 

every

single

day

11. The Bread of Life that we share at our table

12. The reminder of the cross around every corner 

of our home today

13. Words whispered quietly for the one who is absent

"What will a life magnify? 

The world's stress cracks,

 the grubbiness of a day,

 all that is wholly wrong 

and terribly busted?

Or God?"

Ann Voskamp

"In every thing give thanks"
I Thess. 5:18

She's a belieber...

SIGH...

It hurts me more than you know to post that title and download the song that is playing in the background...but it had to be done.  

Please don't hold it against me!

SOMEone is in LOVE

She did some jobs around the house to earn her a STARRY-EYED seat in the theater.

She was just a little excited when I dropped her off to watch him with her friends.

And she was beyond giddy when I picked her back up 2 hours later.

And now, it seems 

she is

in

 ♥LOVE♥

Too bad she is too old to play with Barbies because she may just have begged for one of THESE:

I don't go for 14 year olds going CrAzY over boys...

BUT, since there's not much chance she'll ever stand in the same room as this one I say

"Go ahead and dream"

I remember feeling the same way when I was her age.  

His name was Chachi,

He was the Fonz's cousin.

And I secretly loved him. 

I hated Joanie because she stole him from me.

She had to go off and marry him

 and leave the rest of us girls to wonder what it would be like to be his wife.

Eventually I got over him, 

but at the time I really did think that one day he would come walking down the same side of the street as me and ask me to marry him.

 I have hope that SHE will eventually move on to better things too.

But, secretly, I'm happy to have her misty-eyed and dreaming of far away boys who do not know she exists.

It suits me just fine....

{Word-less Wednesday} delicious fuel and sleeping babies....

{baby pics} 

{babies}

A few things I discovered about myself today

I can't say this has been one of my better days...

I'm not really proud of some of these things I've discovered.

Nonetheless, let's just get it over with.

*I despise bookkeeping. 

 Paying bills is a nuisance, and I'd rather not.

*I had a very black hair growing on my neck 

until precisely 10:45 this morning.

{There's no way that thing grew overnight...why don't people tell me these things?}

*Left to my own demise I have a rotten attitude

I found myself muttering under my breath this morning while shoveling the driveway out AGAIN.  The kids were almost late for the bus {because around here, two hour delays don't give us extra time to get ready in the morning, they make us sleep in longer than we should} which automatically made me the designated shovel-er.  I did not take to this kindly and had all manner of conversation with my kids in my head while I scooped and bent with my knees {mom, did you read that?}.  

Until I remembered I haven't been born to some sense of hierarchy that exempts me from hard labor. 

I immediately repented of my selfish ways and tried giving thanks for my healthy {albeit it heaving in over-exertion} body. The rest of the shoveling really went a lot faster after I wiped the snarl off my face.

*Panera is fast becoming my home-away-from-home

I get some "work" done there without being distracted by all the work in my house. 

The people there like me all the time and treat me like I am their favorite person in the world.  

They also cook whatever I ask for me...

*Sometimes I forget to run the dishwasher 
for DAYS...
until there are no clean plates and we have to wash them before we can eat.

*I'm not a very good planner

It's 5:50 pm and my family is due to return from their wanderings any minute now 

and I still have no idea what's for dinner.  

I have a host of other things to add to this list, but it occurred to me that adding anything else after my last paragraph would only further incriminate me.  

I stink at staying on task.

***************************************

WAIT!  I'm back...I have one more thing to add because

*I'm fantastic at making a quick meal

Especially if I have frozen chicken strips, a box of pasta and a jar of creamy alfredo on hand.

Just when I thought I failed at this day.

Beauty...

I've set up camp on my back porch this afternoon. 

 And, who wouldn't? 

 The mercury reads 63*...

The busyness of my day almost kept me inside. 

 I almost missed it....the beauty.

At first glance,
everywhere I look

is Brown

and Empty

and Drab...

Maybe because I am sitting here reading this...

Reading of  another's discovery of the true meaning of this life we live-

seeing from her eyes the moment in time that it all kicked in...

that choice she made to no longer live out of her feelings

and 

began to live out of a heart of 

Grace

Thankfulness

Joy

Maybe because I am being reminded of the time when I, too, began to uncover this mystery

 JOY instead of DESPAIR...

The mystery that must be chosen daily.

Maybe because of all of this; 

a heightened re-awareness of my surroundings,

maybe because of all of this, 

instead of seeing just 

empty branches

patches of mud

piles of debris

death...

My senses are aware of something else..

Beauty

There is still GREEN out there

LIFE

and GREEN out this way 

{the Christmas tree that is faintly holding its' color doesn't count}

Leaning in closer, 

what looked dead actually has visible signs of rallying

Closer still..

Tiny pockets of new life being nurtured at each fingertip

Down there,

 beyond all of the barren limbs

the Creek ripples softly.

At first it goes unnoticed,

but in the stillness of the air

I hear it.

And it's loud.

I almost missed how loud it was...

I almost tuned it out.

Farther out there is a flock of geese honking their way through the skies.

And at all corners of the woods there are birds,

 communicating with one another.

Calling out.

There's a freshness in the air.

It's palpable.

But I almost missed it.

OUT THERE

there's still a lot of 

death 

and 

decaying

At least that is all it appears to be at first glance...

But I am ever aware that out of 

death

comes

 life.

But I must 

CHOOSE

this
LIFE

daily.

I must
CHOOSE

JOY
daily.

CHOOSE
THANKFULNESS
daily.

CHOOSE 
GRACE

daily.

HOLY JOY...

It comes from a heart of thankfulness.

It starts with seeing this life of mine 

is God's story.

Not mine.

And it ends with a new perspective on life.

CONTENTMENT

"... when I do this, give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me. This,this, makes me full. I “magnify him with thanksgiving” (Psalm 69:30 KJV), and God enters the world.

What will a life magnify? The world’s stress cracks, the grubbiness of a day, all that is wholly wrong and terribly busted? Or God?..."    Ann Voskamp

There's always beauty where we look. 

 We miss it sometimes in the busyness of life

 or in refusal.

But it's still there...waiting to be noticed.

{Word-less Wednesday} I'll shut up so that SHE can have a voice here...

If you don't know who this is, you should..

Click here:

MUST READ: Lila Rose Addresses Deception of Planned Parenthood

{Amber Jacoby Photography}

This life...

It's a mystery to me...

There are some things I can not understand.

There are directions I can not uncover.  

There are questions I can not answer.  

No matter how many times I ask the same question, sometimes there are just no clear answers.  

I've been asking one question for years.

Sometimes I've asked the question through tears.

Sometimes through frustration.

Sometimes out of obligation.

Sometimes to please other people.

Sometimes out of exhaustion.

{google image}

 The question has gone unanswered for years.

And so I keep asking, 

searching 

and waiting...

The question at hand is this one:

What do you want from me?

Although I ask this question to many people in my life; 

sometimes audibly, 

sometimes silently,

 most often this question is directed to God.

Let me explain:

I am a pleaser.

It's pretty cut and dry.  

Tell me what you expect from me and as long as it fits inside my parameter of standards,

 I'll do my best to comply.

Most people in my life will do me the courtesy of explaining what they need from me, 

resulting in my immediate response,

"Your wish is my command"....

{okay, not always...but I try}

It's a fairly simple process:

we form a relationship,

we meet each other half way in mutual respect,

you give...

I give..

and we get along just fine in our little box of relationship etiquette.

It does not work this way with God.

Granted, He's gone to the trouble to write out a little tiny instruction booklet

 that consists of 66 books in which to instruct me in my general day to day living.

I crave the instructions in this book and go there often to seek some of the answers to my other questions.

 I'm not usually satisfied with one version of this book...

I long to understand these instructions thoroughly, so I read them in several versions. 

I've learned over the years how to search this book for the answers to some of life's dilemmas...

to search and not stop searching until I find what I'm looking for.

This is good.

And I'm so thankful for it.

But to that BIG QUESTION that constantly looms over my shoulder...

there is no explicit answer.

I've learned to break the question up into little bitty bite sized pieces.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME today?"

And the answer to that is easily found...

"Look for ME"

"See the people around you like I do"

"Love them"

"Reflect ME"

"Choose JOY"

"Trust ME"

"Worship ME today with each breath"

"Be thankful"

"Be intentional"

But I confess that I want more...

it just isn't enough.

And maybe it's because I hear time ticking by and it makes me feel anxious.

At the risk of getting too wordy, I'll sum it up like this:

I need some detailed directions for today 

so that down the road

 {and frankly, at this point, it's not a very long road}

when I find myself waking up in an empty house

 I am not surprised to find myself 

alone 

and without 

direction.

I didn't choose to be a single mom.

I didn't choose to raise my kids alone.

But I have chosen to make them my priority and remain home with them as long as is humanly possible.  Somewhere along the way I guess I made a conscious decision NOT to change the way I looked at my life JUST BECAUSE my circumstances changed.  

It is not always easy...

and I am constantly looking for ways to supplement our income.

But for now..as long as God allows, it is my choice.

My confirmation comes in the blessing of 

a roof over our heads, 

abundant food on the table

and the provision of all that we NEED.

I still continue to ask the question...

because I believe it is a relevant one...

one which I must continue to seek the answer to

BUT 

FOR ME

FOR RIGHT NOW

God has granted me the privilege of my heart's desire.

This is not a popular choice in the single-parenting world.

Actually, it's not popular in just about any part of the world.

Even in the church...

it is not popular to be a single parent who CHOOSES to stay at home to raise her children.

At least once every Sunday morning someone asks me if I have found a job.

The church does not have a box that moms like me fit neatly into.

{google image}

And the only BOX I know to put me in is the one marked 

FAITH

without it, I'm nothing

I'll admit it isn't the answer most people are looking for when they ask how we are surviving.

But frankly, I'm all out of fake answers that satisfy other people.

I still ask the question...

more and more with each passing week.

"GOD, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

and really, all I'm looking for is a little tiny glimpse into the future...

because at the core of me, all I need is someone to tell me what they want...

and I'm there.

This is not a new place for me..

for years now, the blinds have been pulled

the window has been nailed shut

and the resounding answer has been 

"WAIT ON ME"

{google images}

"And while you wait, keep moving forward."

And so I must wait.

It's dark in here..

 often lonely..

 and sometimes there are nothing but short whispers of instruction.

{google image}

But I've come to learn that I will be told what I need to know

WHEN I need to know it.

And not a moment sooner...

And in the meantime, my job is to

 be Thankful 

for the time at home

for the chance to disciple my children

for the privilege of living at a slower pace

for the honor of learning to TRUST God's hand

And I'm learning not to feel guilty because I don't fit in everyone else's box.

I'm learning to be grateful that God is turning and twisting my heart in these years...

He's making something new in me...

something that He can use later on.

He's just choosing to withhold the set of directions that dictates my next move,

for a time

and waiting WITH me.

"Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, 

   or, whine, Israel, saying,

"God has lost track of me. 

   He doesn't care what happens to me"?

Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?

God doesn't come and go. God lasts. 

   He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.

He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. 

   And he knows everything, inside and out.

He energizes those who get tired, 

   gives fresh strength to dropouts.

For even young people tire and drop out, 

   young folk in their prime stumble and fall.

But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. 

   They spread their wings and soar like eagles,

They run and don't get tired, 

   they walk and don't lag behind."

Isaiah 40:27-31

Toddlers do not need tiara's..

My daughter was home from school today with a stomach ache.  It's afternoon now and she's feeling somewhat better.  But now she's bored, needing something to do with herself.

In walks a little thing called "FREE ON DEMAND", 

and next thing I know there are little girls walking across runways sporting fancy dresses

 and more makeup and hairspray than I use in a year.

Mother Tricia, in her sugary sweet way, just explained that she "prayed and prayed for God to send her a little girl who would become Miss America"...and now 15 month old Sami Jo is sporting makeup and strutting herself in a big poofy dress across a big scary stage.   Meanwhile, to attract her attention, her mom is squealing like a pig in the most unattractive way.  Sami Jo may win a prize for beauty, but I secretly hope they disqualify her for her mother's most unsightly display of stupidity.  To everyone's disappointment, Sami Jo is more interested in tumbling than her model walk.  

Too bad, Sami Jo...no Grand Supreme title for you tonight, sweetie.

Meanwhile, Child Star #2 is crying over getting her  fake eyelashes put on and her eyebrows waxed

 while her mother stands by clapping and smiling.  When the hair and makeup are applied she looks like a freakishly short 30 year old.  And SOMEhow, in a turn of events that is just too hard to comprehend, they have convinced her father to join her on stage for her "Fancy wear" portion of the evening.  He is dressed in some kind of ridiculous Egyptian costume, and frankly it will probably lead to the fall of Cleopatra.
 Fancy.
At the last minute, Miss Fancy Wear has decided to do a "TALENT".  Of course, mom tries to talk her out of it. Turns out, Miss Fancy doesn't HAVE a talent....which is evident the moment she starts belting out "Mary Had a Little Lamb".  I need not point out how embarrassed Stage Mommy is by this display.

Some of the girls wear something called "flippers".  

Not these... 

Should a little lady have a gap in her teeth or even worse, lost her baby teeth, 

she must wear one of these to fill in the gap...

Some of these girls are so mean and spoiled rotten I can hardly stand it. 

It's all pretty sick.   

The little girls are quite cute without all of their makeup, but the moms

...downright RIDICULOUS.

And the amount of money that goes into the costuming, salon visits and pageant fees is

  UN-be-lievable.

I'm so mad I will never, ever get that hour back.

I watched the whole spoiled rotten show.

And now I feel like I might lose my lunch.

I don't know who's "BRILLIANT" idea it was to produce this show...

but if someone tried to do the same thing with animals, 

PETA would be 

ALL

OVER
IT