Beauty...

I've set up camp on my back porch this afternoon. 

 And, who wouldn't? 

 The mercury reads 63*...

The busyness of my day almost kept me inside. 

 I almost missed it....the beauty.

At first glance,
everywhere I look

is Brown

and Empty

and Drab...

Maybe because I am sitting here reading this...

Reading of  another's discovery of the true meaning of this life we live-

seeing from her eyes the moment in time that it all kicked in...

that choice she made to no longer live out of her feelings

and 

began to live out of a heart of 

Grace

Thankfulness

Joy

Maybe because I am being reminded of the time when I, too, began to uncover this mystery

 JOY instead of DESPAIR...

The mystery that must be chosen daily.

Maybe because of all of this; 

a heightened re-awareness of my surroundings,

maybe because of all of this, 

instead of seeing just 

empty branches

patches of mud

piles of debris

death...

My senses are aware of something else..

Beauty

There is still GREEN out there

LIFE

and GREEN out this way 

{the Christmas tree that is faintly holding its' color doesn't count}

Leaning in closer, 

what looked dead actually has visible signs of rallying

Closer still..

Tiny pockets of new life being nurtured at each fingertip

Down there,

 beyond all of the barren limbs

the Creek ripples softly.

At first it goes unnoticed,

but in the stillness of the air

I hear it.

And it's loud.

I almost missed how loud it was...

I almost tuned it out.

Farther out there is a flock of geese honking their way through the skies.

And at all corners of the woods there are birds,

 communicating with one another.

Calling out.

There's a freshness in the air.

It's palpable.

But I almost missed it.

OUT THERE

there's still a lot of 

death 

and 

decaying

At least that is all it appears to be at first glance...

But I am ever aware that out of 

death

comes

 life.

But I must 

CHOOSE

this
LIFE

daily.

I must
CHOOSE

JOY
daily.

CHOOSE
THANKFULNESS
daily.

CHOOSE 
GRACE

daily.

HOLY JOY...

It comes from a heart of thankfulness.

It starts with seeing this life of mine 

is God's story.

Not mine.

And it ends with a new perspective on life.

CONTENTMENT

"... when I do this, give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me. This,this, makes me full. I “magnify him with thanksgiving” (Psalm 69:30 KJV), and God enters the world.

What will a life magnify? The world’s stress cracks, the grubbiness of a day, all that is wholly wrong and terribly busted? Or God?..."    Ann Voskamp

There's always beauty where we look. 

 We miss it sometimes in the busyness of life

 or in refusal.

But it's still there...waiting to be noticed.

The seed of perfectionism and the unforced rhythm of Grace...

"The seed of perfectionism resides within the oldest lie in the book - "You will be like God" {Gen 3:5} Ever since Eve ate the forbidden fruit, women have tried to "be like God" - controlling everything, measuring up to every standard, avoiding failure..." {Jerusha Clark}

Women get hung-up on perfectionism.  We strive daily to live up to every else's standards of what it is to measure up.  Look perfectly, parent perfectly, love your spouse perfectly, do your job perfectly, keep house perfectly, cook perfectly...the constant barrage of messages is, be anything you want, but BE PERFECT, too.  And, if I'm honest, I even feel like I get that message from God..."Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."  {Matt. 5:48}  Right...like I can do that.

If I stop to really think about the pressure the world around me puts on me to perform flawlessly I may end up curled in a ball in the fetal position...too paralyzed to even make an attempt to even exist.  Why do we do that to each other?  Seriously, the people who make those silent "demands" of us are imperfect people...we all are, you know....so why do we bother buying into it?  What makes me value someone else's opinion so much that I will break every bone in my straining body just to conform to their image of PERFECTION?  What makes any of us do it?

I've always looked at the verse in Matthew above as the reason I strive to do what is good and right...because God, too, demands my perfection.  Perfection of a different kind, but still, a command for reaching an ultimate unattainable goal.  I read this this morning:

"What Jesus asks us to do here is not strive for perfection but rather recognize that without Him, we cannot be holy, as the Father commands us to be."

I knew that.  I've learned it a million times and I really and truly believe it with all my heart.  But, I guess I have to relearn it daily.  Even though God commands me to be holy...perfect...before saying it, He knows I can't do it.  Which is His ultimate point...I CAN'T do it, because He wants to help do it through me.  What does the mean for me, really?  today? 

Well...my kids need me.  They depend on my being with it and reliable, they depend on my being who I say I am, they depend on my ability to support them and nurture them{even as teenagers, they still need this} The rest of my world depends on my being prompt and on time, on my following through on commitments...on my showing up physically and mentally.{and truth be told, on my being neat, clean, and somewhat presentable in my appearance}  Everybody wants something from me...but God wants to take the pressure off, and while asking that I attain a certain degree of rightness in my attitudes, actions and thoughts...what He really wants from me is to lay down my tools of the trade and let Him accomplish perfection in me. 

 Until I stop all my striving, because I think that's what everyone expects, I cannot find rest.  Until I stop looking to others ideals and patterns, I cannot find contentment.  Everyone else's idea of what perfectionism is changes...it's relative to whomever is speaking it.  Only God's view stays the same.  It hasn't changed in centuries...we change by the minute.  God's view of perfectionism is this:  "Do what is right, LOVE everyone around you without exception, seek wisdom from ME, look to ME for your answers, stop trying to work your way to MY approval{or anyone else's, for that matter}...and just BE.

  BE WHO I CREATED YOU TO BE."

I'll never measure up...

but I'm ok with that...

"Are you tired?  Worn out?  Burned out...?  Come to me.  Get away with me and you'll recover your life. 

I'll show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of Grace.  I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. 

Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." 

Matt. 11:28-30

I still have to live in this world.  I still have to get up out of my chair and perform my daily duties...

but it really is possible to perform them and be at rest all at the same time. 

I'm banking on it...and so is everyone around me.