we're back...sigh...

While I love home...I wasn't quite ready to be here yet! We had a great time in Ocean City...my sister and I both decided it was the first vacation we've had together where we didn't feel like we needed a vacation when we got home! I did more walking and sitting on the beach alone than I've done in a long time, and I wasn't ready to leave that behind.

But...all vacations must end. Unfortunately.

Mom and Dad have always been very generous to our families...they go WAY above and beyond the call of duty for parents and grandparents, and yet they always seem to enjoy blessing us with great vacations. This year was no exception...

Thanks Mom and Dad, we are so grateful!

This was our "home away from home" for the week. We had the third floor of this beautifully restored home! Just 4 blocks from the beach, it was perfect!

The beautiful porch was decked out with great furniture...only we found out on Day 2 that each floor had it's own designated spot on the porch, and the owner of the third floor opted out of buying furniture for our spot! While floors 1 & 2 lounged on theirs, we looked longingly on from the table and 6 chairs we were provided! We snuck on floor 2's side a few times when they went to fend for their three small children, but after I was caught reading on floor 1's lounge chair, we did our best to be polite and content with our hard table and chairs...definite porch envy!


Pizza Night at Luigi's...but only because Mack and Manco's line wrapped around the boardwalk a few times! We got everyone in the picture except Tammi (who, by the way, I stole all of the pictures from because her camera and pictures are SO much better!)...

My sister and I with our 9 collective children...

The kids on the beach....Nick, in the middle, decided to do the High School Musical split

....and probably won't ever again!

My sister's children...

We had the best time riding the surreys on the boardwalk. We rode up and back...then to the homemade donut shop...THE BEST DONUTS IN THE WORLD!

My ride was less than relaxing at times....the kid's been driving for more than two years, how is it that difficult to stay between the painted white lines?!?

You can see, he enjoyed every minute of torture!

The oldest, and the deepest thinker of the group....also, the best chef of the week!

The girls...ready at any moment for a photo-op!

The RoCkErS!

...braided cousins...

The BIG "C" and his wake board...an expert by the last day!

The kids had such a great time together....there was a time when going on vacation together wasn't this easy...but the kids are old enough to hang out on the beach and

hike the boardwalk without us watching over them every second.

We enjoyed a little freedom and alot of fun and laughter together!

My kids and I decided to try for a different pose....maybe something new for the Christmas card. Totally NOT making the cut...but we did have fun!

Still not making the cut, but a little less awkward!

Thankfully, tomorrow is Sunday and we get a "day of rest" before truly going back to reality on Monday. The rest of this month holds so much in store...much of it unknown, but the biggest thing looming in the back of my head- or maybe hanging over my shoulder- is packing up and sending Alex off to college in exactly 12 days. More on that later....I'm still in vacation mode and don't even want to THINK about August 20th. Shoot...I just did, and now the screen is blurry. Sigh...enough of that.

As mom said to me yesterday, I'm "LIVING FOR THE MOMENT"

....and that's not part of today.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good.

Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him!"

Ps 34:8

1,000,000 steps a day...

We're four blocks from the beach here. At first if felt like the perfect distance...gave us a chance to walk off some of the calories consumed by Justin's cooking! But today, it feels as if we've walked over 1,000,000 steps back and forth several times! The weather has been perfect, though...certainly no complaining here. 3 more days til we're back to reality...I'd like to stop the clock! We'll head back to college shopping for Alex, school supply shopping for Nick and Emma, and who knows what awaits for the future of the shop. Lots of things I'd really rather put off til a much later day!

Until then, I'm enjoying morning walks on the beach and a little alone time with the Lord afterwards. Strange concept of spending quiet time on the beach....silence amidst the noise of crashing waves and crying seagulls. It's a good silence. This morning I enjoyed a cup of coffee and a homemade donut with my silence...THAT'S my kind of quiet time!

I'm asking alot of questions of myself and of the Lord...thinking through alot of scenarios, and coming to some possible decisions. I'd still rather have someone knock on my door and hand me a letter containing the right instructions...not going to lie, I'd prefer the easy way. But, I'm positioning myself in the right place to hear and trusting that when the time is right, I will have the directions I need. I never intended to be here again...not at this age. Asking for vocational direction again. There must be a new lesson in this...something I can't see for myself right now. From my vantage point it makes no sense. Why am I here again NOW? Not sure, and may never be sure. But in the meantime I'm doing the next thing that needs to be done, then moving to the next. I guess it's all I'm really required to be doing.

Revelation
Give me a revelation
show me what to do
I've been trying to find my way
I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here?
Do I need to move?
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without you...
(Third Day)

this day...

I woke this morning with the ocean calling me. We're 4 blocks away from it but you can hear the force of it when you walk out the front door. I walked alone for a while...enjoying the solitude and the beauty. It's Sunday morning, and I could hear worship music as I past several of the piers...people from all over, gathering together w/strangers to worship in the early morning....

Farther down the beach, the song "Great is Thy Faithfulness" began to play through my head as I was asking the Lord to show me what He had for me today. Asking Him to give me direction beyond today.

"...all I have needed, thy hand has provided..."

As I walked with that vast body of water to my right, the thought kept coming to me...."Do you not believe that the God who holds that tide back, keeps the waters within its' borders....who poured water farther than the eye can see, do you not believe that He can show you where to go, what to do, how to proceed??? Why do you question?" I kept thinking, how cliche? What an elementary Sunday School lesson...how simple-minded. And yet, it's not...it's Truth. It's sometimes the most simple things that stare us in the face that we miss...we miss it because we're so intent on finding something deeper, some revelation we can't come to on our own. We...or at least I...want an answer specific to me....a little writing in the sand with an arrow saying "THIS IS THE WAY, WALK IN IT".

At the same time I was walking in one direction, my sister was down the beach walking in another direction...I'm assuming doing pretty much the same thing....seeking direction from the same Source.

**the pictures are from my sister's camera...her view of the morning**

(There's another interesting thought: The same God sits listening to us both...at the same time. He hears my heart's cry and hers...and doesn't for a moment get them mixed up. It reminds me of my time in Africa a few weeks ago. I was struck deeply by how BIG God is, how WISE He is. The Christians in Gabon pray outloud. At the same time. They unashamedly speak their prayers aloud...calling out to a God who hears them all. At the same time. It's a powerful sound...to know that God hears me in English and at the same time is hearing the 20 people standing next to me each praying in their own languages.)

Why is it that knowing that He hears me still doesn't feel like enough? I struggle to rest in that...the human side of me wants more, I want answers, directions. Is it possible that until I'm content to rest in His all-knowing arms there will be no direction? That's a hard lesson. Especially when I stand by the calendar and see there are not many days for me to decide what to do next. It's not an impatient thing...it's reality. I have no choice but to make some decisions about the shop...and soon.

SO, my simple lesson for today is to trust that He who holds the borders of the ocean in place is able to hold my little world in place, too. The lesson is simple...it's the living it that's hard.

Officially packed...ready to roll.

I've been packing all day it seems, for a week in Ocean City with my WHOLE family. All 13 of us are packing into a 3rd floor condo for the next 7 days. My sister and I grew up faithfully vacationing in a different spot every summer. I remember my dad pouring over AAA books for just the right place...and then just the right activities when we get there. We have great memories of some fun vacations, and dad continues to see that this tradition continues on with the 9 grandchildren, too. (Not the easiest thing to find something that the 21 yr old and the 7 yr old will BOTH enjoy...but the beach is ageless, so I think we'll do ok!)

My problem is trying to get this...

and this...

to fit into this...

The plan was to have it all packed in the car before the caravan arrives at my house in the morning, but my head hurts trying to figure out how to fit it all into the "Fit". (First vacation we've tried to pack four growing bodies AND the stuff we all accumulate and think we NEED to take with us into a little cube of a Honda Fit!)

Here's some random pics of the last few hours of trying to ignore the task ahead...

Phase 10 with Nick. (I won...he didn't.)

Emma- snapping pictures of herself...in true 12 year old fashion!

Alex's recent markings...graduation, ear piercings, "tats"....alot of expressing oneself in one summer! (But, as he says, "It's not rebellion, mom, it's just something I've always wanted to do.") We'll see if he's still singing that song when he's 40!

I'm looking forward to a week with my family and a bit of alone time on the beach somewhere. I'm not a fan, like I used to be, of laying in the sun on the beach (Tammi and I used to slather BABY OIL all over us to ATTRACT as many UV rays as possible at one time. The thought of the oil/sand combo is so much less appealing now. Not to mention I'm beginning to see the results of those years in the mirror.) but there's something about the majesty of the ocean that gets me every time. I'm looking forward to being overwhelmed by its vastness again and stealing away alone to revel in the wonder of God's creative Hand...and listen.

"Cease striving and know that I am God."

Ps 46:10

The timing is perfect. I'm in need of some time with my kids away from Lancaster, and some time with the Lord, away from all distractions. I have some decisions to make...alot of questions to answer. My Bible and my journal are packed, and I'm ready!

"You make known to me the path of life,

You fill me with joy in your presence,

with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

Ps 16:11

Something new while I wait...

What's new and why am I waiting, you ask?
For starters, you're reading my first post on this blog site...it's my first personal blog-my business's blog is at a current standstill:

http://luluandtutz.blogspot.com/

If you follow the shop's blog, you know that it's been stuck on a post from July 11th! And, if you read it, you'll know why...

AND, you'll also understand what I am waiting for...

Waiting seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life. Unexpectedly, I often seem to find myself in the old familiar waiting room of unanswered questions and unknown futures. (I won't get into the details of all of that on my first post...wouldn't want to scare any newbies away!) This time it is another pretty big one...the future of my business is at stake. As usual, though, the waiting -while somewhat excruciating and seemingly unending, is forcing me to choose quiet and stillness. To ask alot of questions, and do alot of listening.

(**I need to post a disclaimer here... I honestly just searched Google for the word "waiting"...thinking perhaps I'd find a great picture of a woman "waiting" to post here. While I did NOT find a woman waiting, I DID find these men who are putting their waiting time to interesting use. Please forgive me for not resisting the temptation to post them...while random, they totally made me laugh outloud!)

I'm sorry...I had to do it.

I hope I am being a bit more ladylike while I wait...

Anyway, while I have some extra time on my hands I thought it a great time to start a new blog as I'm missing updating the blog at the shop. I also thought I'd like a venue where I could be a little freer to be open and just be "me" without offending a customer who does not have an affection for my faith as I do. I make no excuses here...it's just who I am, but in a business setting I'm slightly less able to be so free.

I hope to spend a little time babbling about what I'm learning from day to day- what the Lord is teaching me in my waiting room, and share the joy of stepping OUT of the waiting room when the time comes, too. I'm sure my children will appear frequently upon these pages, as they seem to appear frequently over my shoulder while I type (and frankly anywhere else in the house I go, too!) I wouldn't choose it to be any other way...I kind of like them!

So let me end this post at the beginning....

One day we were a family of five....and unexpectantly, the next day our count was four. The ending of a ten year marriage suddenly began the BEGINNING of a very special bonding of our little family of four that I would not change, even if I could turn back the clock. Don't get me wrong...I NEVER expected to be here...never wanted to be, but in retrospect BEING here gave me new life. And gave my children a chance to have a mom who is whole.

While whole in spirit, I am on an unending quest to be consumed daily by the One who gives me breath each morning and strength to get through whatever craziness lies ahead. I don't expect to ever really have it all down pat...don't expect to ever attain all that I reach for until the day I enter eternity's gates. But, I've found strength and joy in the reaching and I pray the three who watch behind me will as a result find IT too.

They are the reason I got myself up off the floor of despair and rejection and the reason I run to the cross each day for the Grace to raise them alone. They are the reason I sit in the waiting room, waiting for direction. They make me push myself beyond what I'm able, and they make me lie down and rest in the Strong arms that provide me with answers...they make me realize I cannot do this life-thing alone. And they remind me with their ever-gazing eyes that they are watching, seeing all that I do, hearing all that I say...

I can't give them everything,

but I can give them my faith...they must take it for their own,

but they will want it only if mine is real....

They are the reason we call ourself a family.

And they are the ones who make it ALL worthwhile.