Year in review...

It's been a long time since I've felt the freedom to just sit and type here. That sounds so dramatic- even as I type it, that's what I hear. But it's the truth...or at least my perception of it. There's been times I've felt I had something to say, and then found myself mute when my fingers touched the keyboard. So like a good girl, I've taken my mom's advice and not said anything at all since I had nothing good to say.

But these last days, as the New Year approaches, I've been reflecting on the months and weeks behind me- their fullness, their struggle, their joy and their mystery. I've looked back on the block of twelve months that is taking its' last bow and I've been remembering the word that I'd taken at its first start, the word that was God-whispered even while I had no idea why. The word written down in my home, as a reminder, because I knew I would surely need it. 

Praise

That's the word. One word, one syllable, but huge in its' expectation. It loomed large last January as I wondered why this word, why not another? I knew there would be a reason I would need to remember it throughout the 365 days that were ahead. And it was the knowing that scared me. Because if I was to remember to Praise, then there was sure to be a reason/s that I might be tempted to forget...

And of course, God knew. He knew He had better plant roots of Praise deep if they were going to blossom when needed. He always knows what I need before I do...and I like knowing that He's got my back- that He sees before and behind me before I even open my eyes to what's around me. 

"Spread for me a banquet of praise,

    serve High God a feast of kept promises,

And call for help when you’re in trouble—

    I’ll help you, and you’ll honor me.

It’s the praising life that honors me.

    As soon as you set your foot on the Way,

I’ll show you my salvation.”

Psalm 50

There have been days this year that I've passed this word and this scripture, penned in a prominent place- and I've quieted, knowing that He had it all planned out. He'd given warning that I would need to remember. He had it all under control. And what He asked of me was the repetition of Praise.

Even in the moments of 

fear of what the future holds

a son taking up a new life as a husband

another son taking to new work on a Marine base

and a house empty of boys 

in a young lady finding her bearings

in her eyes being opened to boys {{shudder}}

in her injury on a lacrosse field

and subsequent surgery

and months 

and months

and months of physical therapy

in a job that I love-but takes more than what I have in me some days

in the struggle of trying to do all things well

in my need for quiet, but finding none

in a house with a sink hole

and a month lived with the parents

in the Insurance Co. who said, "NO"

and in the men who raised up to help us

in a dog out of control

and the finding of a new home for her

in the yard and house that wait constant attention

in the leak of the sink

the dishwasher that fails at its job

in the lonely moments

and in moments of no answers

In all of these things that have surfaced this year- and the others that silently go unmentioned- He asked me to remember Praise. Because He knew they were coming and tried to get me ready. He knew I'd need to avert my attention to something Higher than me. 

He knew I would need to know that above all 

He is still God

Above all of the ache, inconvenience, misunderstanding, fear, frustration, loneliness and struggle

was Him

And my Praise- 

even the pathetic attempt at it

was the looking glass that magnified His presence in our lives. 

I don't think it's coincidence that He picked Praise for my yearly word- 

He knew I'd need it to settle down and let Him be Him. 

As a new year looms, He's already planted His new word for me. I have yet to understand why this word, but I guess it's not for me to know yet. The word keeps popping up in my view, almost too much, really. As if to say- "Did you notice me again- don't miss it." Like last year, I'm just going with it -even though I am not quite sure what to do with it. It's a little more vague than last year's word. And I'm still trying to get a vision for what He means by it. I'll wait to post it until the New Year...and maybe have a better idea of how to see its' value in my life this coming year.

To 2013, 

thanks for all you've taught me

for the good and the bad

for the laughter and the tears

and for knowing when it's time to gracefully bow out.

Until next year....

Week in review from the lens of my iphone...

I'm currently wrapped in a blanket, sitting by my parent's fireplace, reflecting on the events of the last 7 days. They are the kind of days that you just want to ignore...

and maybe I have done my fair share of that this week.

The week went like this:

Last Friday {Emma's 17th birthday} upon returning home from a movie with my family, I discovered a sink hole in the front of my house. 

It had rained for two days straight and apparently something that had been building up for some time finally caved. Literally. 

{That is the OUTside you see from the basement wall}

{It's like a little terrarium down there}

And so, after calling the insurance company, we packed up and headed 

to the parent's house for the week. {two weeks? month?} 

Because my dad is awesome, he helped me work through whatever foreign language the Insurance Company used to write out my policy. We {STILL} await word from the company as to whether or not the damage will be covered.

The parents had a week's vacation planned, which we all agreed they needed. And so while they're away, we are "vacationing" too...at their house.

Besides the obvious inconveniences, there was one more large issue in the form of a four-legged dog.



Scarlett...

As a family we have been struggling over what to do with Scarlett now that the boys have left and Emma and I don't have enough time to give to her.  She has a nervous habit of chewing when she is left alone for too long and I have made the mistake of not crating her every time we leave.

It has been a very long two years with her. We all love her, but she has been tough. 

We were almost to the point of being ready to find a new home for her 

{for all of our sanity's sakes}when the basement caved in. 

I suppose it is a blessing, how it all worked out in the end. There was no way she could stay in the house and ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY NO WAY she was going to be able to come to my parent's house with us. So, we did what we have known for a while we needed to do...and found a new place for her. I'm not going to lie...that, in itself was a bigger deal than I'm going to go into. Suffice it to say, a friend of a friend so kindly offered to "foster" her with the possibility of permanent adoption. Although this family did not work out, finally, as of yesterday afternoon, Scarlett is on an "adoption list", in a safe place..awaiting her new family's arrival. 

And I have peace...and am guilt-free. 

On Monday, Nick texted from the Base...

He spent a couple of days here with us...which is always a treat. Whenever he is home, the newlyweds join us. There's nothing like all five of us being in the same place at the same time. It doesn't matter that there's a house too unstable for us to stay in- all my kids are together...that matters.

The house currently looks like this:

And the multiple fans {running at very high speeds} to dry the basement are hiking up my electric bill with each passing day. My phone is by my side, awaiting a call from the Insurance with the "Go ahead" to start reconstructing the foundation. They've been quiet all week. Perhaps they are also vacationing and forgot that we are still waiting...

I'm pretty ready to get this thing moving. 

But, I'm not going to complain. 

We have a place to stay, we're not out on the streets,

but I'm ready to get this over with 

and be back home. 

In the meantime, life goes on. 

The drive to school has offered some pretty awesome sunrises this week.

We're still trekking to the Physical Therapist 3 times a week

 as she recovers from her ACL surgery...

And we still enjoyed our traditional Friday-Cupcake Day. 

{Yes, there are 5 cupcakes in there...don't judge. One was free....but only if I purchased 4}

And we are healthy and happy. 

You can't really ask for more than that.

"Life is like a highway, no matter what they say, the construction is never finished. There's always gonna be bumps in the road and detours every now and then."

A giveaway...

It's been so long since I've been here but I just couldn't help but share a little giveaway that you could be a part of. Follow this LINK for a chance to win a pretty swell collection of gifts from the Neighborlies. 

And if you haven't read this online magazine before, you might just enjoy pouring a cup of coffee and settling in for a good read. You'll probably laugh and you just might cry...but when you're done you'll probably be glad you stopped by. {I did not mean that to rhyme, it just happened like that. Sounded like a sappy middle school poem!!!  I'm leaving it anyway...don't judge me.}

Memorial Day...

My heart and my house are full this weekend.  

All of my children are under the same roof...

I think Mothers must have internal clocks that keep time differently...

separations of mere months can feel like years

And short hours of sweet reunions,

while never EVER enough time,

can feel like an eternity's worth of moments collected together...

But I know all too soon, it will feel like we have been separated for years again.

Breathing deep in a house that is full, if only for a few days

full of laughter

and love

and just us

again.

We will celebrate Memorial Day together tomorrow...

and for me, 

it has a deeper meaning this year

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

John 15:13

Memorial Day...

Facing Reality...

The last week and a half has had my emotions on a crazy manic loop.  As with every parent of young adults and teenagers, the realization that my kids have passed that "point of no return" continues to catch me off guard at short notice.

About 10 days ago Emma tested and passed her driver's test.  And although I knew it would mean an adjustment for me, I wasn't prepared to feel so sentimental and emotional.  I am a slow learner.  

This is the third child to cross over towards independence...but the third is the last, 

and I think that's why it shook me so deeply.  

I'm back on track  

{AGAIN}  

I finally got a grip and found my perspective.

I've written about it for my next article in Neighborlies this weekend.
I was a little reluctant to submit this one because it was written right in the middle of my emotional mommy-breakdown.  Emma took that momentous first trip alone...and I LOST IT.  

She had no idea how affected I was by watching her back out of the driveway alone.  But she'll get it in about 30 years.  Because I remember my mom standing in this same place- watching ME drive away for the first time.  I thought she was weird, just staring as I backed away. But now I get it....and I'm sorry that I didn't understand it back then.  I was HER youngest child. And I get it now. 

A week later, on her SECOND trip alone 

she arrived back home bearing gifts for both of us...

...and I've decided that maybe it's not all bad after all.

 In other family news...I have figured out the trick to luring bringing my children back home.  

Feed them.

 I don't even have to beg.  I just use the right words {that include beef}

and just like that...they come.

I'm not too proud to use this tactic as many times as possible.

{If you feed them, they will come}

The most exciting news of the week involves the Marine and this ticket.

He has a 96 hour leave...and he's spending it with US!  

So excited..

And the four-legged beast

while she continues to be cute...

she keeps us in a constant state of alert.

She loves two things in life

food

chewing

While her favorite thing to chew is her food,

she's been known to chew just about anything-

she is not picky.

Some days she nibbles on her ROOM.

Evidence of this is in the form of large chunks out of the baseboard and door frames.

She will be the death of me-

or at least to this house.  

SIGH....

About face...run after God...

Sometimes, when I look around me- both near and far- there's not much that looks very good.

We have become a people who make our own rules and live by whichever ones suit us best.

I see it in our complacent youth

and I see it in our irreverent adults

sometimes I see it staring back in my own mirror...

I, in no way can remove myself from this observation..

for I, too, fail daily.  

I take matters into my own hands, 

see things from the perspective I want to.

But I wonder...

why do we think we can get away with making up our own moral code?

Why, when we did not create the universe, or anything in it,

do we think we have the upper hand and the right to decide what is right and wrong?

Why do we think we can determine how much good is good enough

or how much bad makes us worthless?

Just because it is popular, doesn't mean it is right

just because we want to change with the times doesn't mean the change is right

How arrogant of us to think it was ever ours to decide...

In light of last week's events

of people who think they have a right to destroy life and livelihood

In light of what is so front and center in our daily 

news

politics

lifestyles

in light of all of this and more

it's a wonder to me that we are given even one more day HERE.

It's a wonder that HE still looks at us with LOVE gleaming in His eyes...

not because He likes the crooked paths we take ourselves on 

not because He approves of our arrogant self imposed moral codes...

but because SOMEhow He still sees us as created in His own image

and He is giving us time to decide

But there comes a time when you wonder when it will be enough for Him...

when the whole of us have gone just too far...

when we have grieved His parental heart just too much.

The day is coming...

when we must stand and look into His eyes and give a personal account...

{shudder}

Some of us just have absolutely no excuse

BECAUSE WE KNOW BETTER

and yet we still guide ourselves and live by our own code

And we forget GRACE

and we forget to share it

because we're so busy squandering our time 

And we have bought into the lie that it doesn't really matter

HE doesn't really matter...

Church...wake up...

Let's stop pretending we don't know what to do...

We know

We just turn 

a blind eye

a deaf ear

and are afraid to speak up for Truth...

“Up on your feet! Take a deep breath! Maybe there’s life in you {ME} yet. But I wouldn’t know it by looking at your busywork; nothing of God’s work has been completed. Your condition is desperate. Think of the gift you once had in your hands, the Message you heard with your ears—grasp it again and turn back to God.  If you pull the covers back over your head and sleep on, oblivious to God, I’ll return when you least expect it, break into your life like a thief in the night...

I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You’re not cold, you’re not hot—far better to be either cold or hot! You’re stale. You’re stagnant. You make me want to vomit. You brag, ‘I’m rich, I’ve got it made, I need nothing from anyone,’ oblivious that in fact you’re a pitiful, blind beggar, threadbare and homeless.

Here’s what I want you to do: Buy your gold from me, gold that’s been through the refiner’s fire. Then you’ll be rich. Buy your clothes from me, clothes designed in Heaven. You’ve gone around half-naked long enough. And buy medicine for your eyes from me so you can see, really see.

 The people I love, I call to account—prod and correct and guide so that they’ll live at their best. Up on your feet, then! About face! Run after God!

Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I’ll come right in and sit down to supper with you. Conquerors will sit alongside me at the head table, just as I, having conquered, took the place of honor at the side of my Father. That’s my gift to the conquerors!

Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches.”

Revelation 3 {The Message}

Still mocking...

I had a little free time this morning and found myself catching up on my facebook newsfeed, some blog reading and a little Pinterest searching.

I don't even know how I got there, but as often happens on the world wide web, I got twisted and turned from place to place, until the place I end up was no where NEAR where I started out.

I guess that's how I started with reading some soul-nourishing words about Easter, then stumbled on a recipe for peanut butter eggs, then clicked onto a photographer's rendering of a newborn baby with bunny ears and eventually clicked somewhere very, very shocking and offensive.

Somehow one click off the beaten path brought me to a site memorializing a certain contest that actually takes place in the real world.  And my stomach turned in revolt of how far we have come from appreciating the Great Grace bestowed upon us that Easter so long ago.  We are subjected to this new take on Easter- the one created by the toy stores and candy makers who stand to profit from our stumble.  And we all have to make peace with what part we will partake in it...how far is okay and how far is just plain sacrilegious. I place no judgement on what others choose...I've chosen the baskets, the bunnies and the egg hunts, too. And only just this year I am in an unintentional boycott of them all.  It doesn't come from anywhere but that I'm kind of tired of it and have no gumption to make it happen.  Poor Emma...no fun for her.  I'm not a complete scrooge...I suppose I'll manage to find some leftover plastic grass from last year and a jelly bean or two.  If I have to.

But I've gotten away from the intent of this post....This site, the one that has my blood boiling- included pictures from a contest that was held last Easter.  For all I know, it may be held every year- I couldn't force myself to find out, I was so disgusted.  The contest is called the "Hunky Jesus Contest".  It didn't take me long to realize it is put on by a group of "alternative lifestyles".  And I'm not even going to go there.  The point is; they were taking the sacred Gift of the cross and all that it stands for and making a mockery of Jesus and His sacrifice.  I know, ironic.  He was mocked once and will be until the time He returns and every unknowing knee will bow.  I know this...but I am deeply offended.

I'd like to say that if you don't want to accept the reality of the Cross, that is your choice.  I'm sorry that you don't know...that you don't believe.  Every terrible thing I have done, or thought of, or wished for was wiped clean at the foot of that Cross.  Not because I'm better or because I'm delusional.  But because the Son of God took upon Himself my sin and instead of slapping me with the penalty, handed me a "Get out of jail free" card.

That's JESUS.

Not the one you portray with your sexually explicit costumes, or Mickey Mouse ears.  That's not my Jesus.  That's not His cross you have mockingly dressed up.  He isn't who you say He is.

Do your thing- whatever it is you're doing.  But leave Him out of it.  And stop using His name to win your contests.  You've mocked Him and beaten Him up enough...and I'm not really sure why.  Why mock something you don't think exists or make light of what you say isn't true?  Why do you take delight in making everything sexual and explicit?  I just don't get it.

SO...just because I need you to know....none of that is really Jesus.  But I'll leave you with this...because this IS Jesus.  And I think you should know....

You go before me and follow me...

There's this young man-

and he calls me mom.

He is somewhere out there...way West of where I am.

He used to be here in the morning when I got up to start my day.

His presence was evident by the piles that he left and the hobbies that spread out all over the house.

Now his room is clean and untouched.  

There's a layer of dust beginning to form over each surface.

He has a new room now...

One that I've never seen-

that he shares with people that I do not know.

It's been 9 weeks since I've seen his face

but it seems like much, much longer.

Though we have the occasional text or call

it's not the same.

He still calls me mom

and I still call him son-

But he's a Marine now

and someone else gets to tell him what to do.

He pledged his allegiance to a new set of "house rules"

and he has new brothers...

His family stands behind him

encouraging and praying him through

But that doesn't mean we don't miss him like crazy

or long to have him home.

He still belongs to us

and yet at the same time, 

he belongs to you too.

He stands at attention for hours at a time

and awaits a day when he would be called to be ready...

to 

fight 

serve 

defend

for me

for his family

and for you.

He and his brothers are being prepared to stand between us

 and whomever would threaten our safety-

But let's not forget that while our Nation slowly takes away the benefits they were lured in with

they are still standing in our stead

still willing to serve with

honor

courage

commitment

If I'd had the choice to choose for him

I would have chosen differently

I would have chosen less separation

less unknowns

I would have chosen for him to be home for birthdays and holidays and family movie nights

I would have chosen to know what he is doing from one day to the next

and to have this house warm with his presence.

But he chose service

and I choose to stand behind him as he does.

And today,

when missing his presence is so strong

I remind myself that while he serves, 

He is not Forgotten-

his name is written on the heart of God

and He is

where I cannot be...

"You go before me and follow me. 

You place your hand of blessing on my head."

Psalm 139:5

Thursdays...

Thursdays are my late days at work.  And while it's not really late in comparison to other people's schedules...knowing that my girlie is home from school waiting for me- anytime after 3pm is late.  My mom so generously has given her Thursday afternoon/evenings up to spend time with Emma.  Not because she needs a babysitter, but because they just have fun hanging out together.  

Emma's happy because she has someone else to reminisce over her day with...

someone else to sing like crazy to...

and someone else to slather love on her.

It's a win win for me because I can finish up at work and not worry about the fact that my last client has taken longer than expected and is making me late for my nightly date with my daughter.

{I have one client who literally tries to block the door when I tell her I need to go home to my daughter.  No kidding...I love the poor thing, but I'd beat her down to get out the door at the end of the night!}

I have the added bonus of sitting around my parent's table for dinner on Thursday nights.  As if hanging out with Emma wasn't enough, she and mom make dinner and have it served up on the table when I walk in the door.  I can't explain why this blesses me so much.  But, after a long, sometimes emotionally draining day....being served just feels good.  

So, a little hearty THANK YOU goes out to my mom....

For being available to my girl

and for blessing the heart of her girl.

"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding."
Erma Bombeck

My life in pictures...

These days most of my life can be summed up in the pictures that are stored up in my iphone. 

I remember days when I had lots of extra time to sit and write thoughts and memories in my journal 

but right now my time is eaten up doing other things, 

so I'm reduced to capture it through the lens of my phone.

The last few weeks have been chronicled like this...

Breakfast with these two

 Lunch with all three of them

Short phone calls from my favorite Marine

and pics from his phone, 

showing us his homesick face...

A bad-girl who likes to taunt us 

proof that he is turning into quite the husband 

fun with her

a daily dose of these...

{this is what I see every morning on the way back from taking Emma to school}

And just this weekend, this...

dressing up this gorgeous space

to celebrate the unveiling of this...

the Neighborlies...

a new little neighborhood gathering together online.

My life is full and sometimes 

plain

and simple

But it's mine and I'm happy to embrace it as it is. 

Thank goodness my phone goes with me everywhere.

moments in time, preserved forever..

Unproductive Tuesdays...

Tuesdays are my days off.  I look forward to them and often plan to do nothing but stay in my quiet house. 

I often have grand illusions of writing and reading and catching up with the parts of my home that get neglected while I'm working.  But most of the time I don't even get halfway through my mental list and I'm not really sure why time doesn't stand still when I am at home like it does when I am not at home.  

There is never enough time here!

 My computer was in the ER recently.  Literally wouldn't wake up, so a friend's husband did a little electrical CPR and she is back with us, but still doing some funky things.  {for instance, since I've been typing, the cursor has re-positioned itself randomly and made a jumbled mess of words twice!}  Weird...

I'm trying to focus my thoughts to catch up with some writing I need to catch up on for a new project my friend, Jeane, has invited me {and 8 other women} to join her in. 

It's called "Neighborlies", and it is an online magazine that will have its debut in just a few weeks.  

You can read Jeane's words about Neighborlies over at the Coffee Cottage...

We're working through all of the background, preliminary stuff right now, and we all agree it can be tedious and overwhelming.  But we have a web designer amongst us and I don't mind admitting that 

the look and feel of the website is awesome!

Now that my computer is back in working order I have no more excuses but to complete the assignments given to me....except that I have serious writer's block and nothing good to say today.  Figures.

Stay tuned here for more information forthcoming about the website..

or "like" us on facebook for the latest updates.

"People have discovered that they can fool the devil; 

but they can't fool the neighbors" 

Francis Bacon

The decline of a nation that claims it stands for justice...

I couldn't help but notice some of the words that President Obama effortlessly 

spoke during his Inaugural speech yesterday...

things like:

"Together, we resolved that a great nation must care for the vulnerable, and protect its people from life’s worst hazards and misfortune. "

AND

" We are true to our creed when a little girl born into the bleakest poverty knows that she has the same chance to succeed as anybody else, because she is an American, she is free, and she is equal, not just in the eyes of God but also in our own."

{btw...that little girl is only free AFTER she is born.  

She is not free..or equal..or an American while in her mother's womb. Not to mention the part -"in the eyes of God but ALSO IN OUR OWN".}

AND

"We, the people, still believe that every citizen deserves a basic measure of security and dignity."

{DO we?  Really?}

AND

"Our journey is not complete until all our children, from the streets of Detroit to the hills of Appalachia to the quiet lanes of Newtown, know that they are cared for, and cherished, and always safe from harm. "

{This does not include unborn children, either}

He spoke of 

"human dignity and justice"

And he ended with

"Thank you, God Bless you, and may He forever bless these United States of America."

In light of today's Anniversary of Roe v. Wade I can't help but wonder if that very same God

may, in fact, take offense to having his name brought up in this speech

when He so obviously has not been included in some pretty important decisions our country has made.

How dare we ask Him to bless what we have so selfishly taken upon our own to decide...

when we have killed what He has created- 

do we really have a right to ask Him to BLESS US FOREVER?

There are a lot of things that politicians and the media speak of that I do not feel qualified to speak up on 

but this one thing I know...

the continual legalization and slaughter of innocent babies is not okay.  

I sit with young women weekly who regret their choice to end the life of their unborn babies.

They mourn what could have been...what should have been.

They have nightmares

and guilt

and depression

and contemplate suicide

They want to turn back time and have a do-over.

This country that "promotes" human dignity and justice

has failed these young women by giving them the choice of abortion...

and then leaving them to pick up the pieces of regret for years.

I don't often rant about current issues here...

but this one hits close to my heart.  

Don't believe the lies that abortion doesn't hurt anyone.

Don't believe that once it is done, it is over.

Today...on an Anniversary that should be anything but celebrated,

let's not ask God to bless us,

but rather ask Him to show us a way out of the mess we've gotten ourselves into.

It's never too late to do the right thing...

but let's stop trying to cover over it by asking to be blessed forever instead.

Interesting reading here
and here

THIS is what happens when a Nation turns their back..

It's time to stop celebrating our freedoms and rights

and start standing up for what IS right

It's time to stop turning a blind eye to the reality 

and get real and honest.

It's time to stop...