"I hold on to You for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post..." Psalm 63

Friday, March 4, 2011

Time cherished and wasted and redeemed...

I'm sitting here this morning in an empty and quiet house.  
I'm soaking in the quiet in here
and the soft song of a bird outside the window.
I'm reflecting and pondering a few things today.
But all the while, I am aware of the stillness that is settled around me.
I've always cherished the quiet,
the times where the house is empty for a few hours...
But these days there is more than just silence inside our empty walls...
there is an awareness of time passing by
and the need to capture it and embrace it while it is still here.

All too soon these rooms will be empty more than they are full.
 I'm learning the art of being fully aware of  this moment.
Of being present.

"Wherever you are be there"

We got off to a shaky start this morning...
one of us did.
Something about the rush to the bus and lunch not being packed in the right bag.
Seriously.
There are not many minutes to spare
there is hair to be straightened
outfits to be changed...
and re-changed
shoes to be found
teeth to be brushed
and a host of other minute details 
THAT ARE THE SAME DETAILS WE HAD TO DO YESTERDAY.

There's no surprise about what time the bus comes.
It's pretty much like clockwork every morning.
And yet, at least once a week there is a flurry of 
frustrated
short-tempered
harried 
people standing at my front door...
just long enough for a quick prayer of blessing over the day.

This morning's prayer went something like this:

DEAR LORD, 
We stink at being nice.  
Forgive us for starting out our day with such bad attitudes 
and help us to somehow start over.  
This time with a little niceness.
AMEN

And then something truly remarkable happened.
I opened my mouth 
and told the afore-mentioned attitudinally challenged child;

"HAVE A GREAT DAY. HAVE A TRULY FAB-U-LOUS DAY, child."
{go ahead, insert sarcasm in EVERY SINGLE WORD}

SIGH...
I suck at the simple art of niceness some days.

Maybe the reason I relish quietness in this house
 is because no one is here to hear me
 open my big fat mouth 
and blurt unkind words to.

Maybe it's because I need the silence to 
repent
 and 
recover
 from my own nasty attitudes.

While I am learning to cherish the time I have left,
I do a pretty good job at sabotaging it, too.

Some moments I just stink at 
"the art of being fully aware of  this moment".

I am fully aware of how many moments I waste
with selfishness
and pride
and the need to be right.

I'm taking charge of the moment right in front of me..
finding freedom in the forgiveness of my morning's failures
and choosing to SEE around me instead of 
closing my eyes to it all,
because I'm safer there.

And so my list continues to grow...
#27 Laughter of family within the walls of our home
#28 Dinner prepared by someone else's hands
#29 Peeking over a child's shoulder to see the words
"I love my family"
#30 Driving in the sunshine with the windows cracked OPEN
#31 The investment of an older mentor in my daughter's life
#32 Words from the Doctor to my son, 
"You don't need me"
evidence that GOD does, indeed heal 
#33 Silence in the home...time alone with the Lord

Time standing still.


3 comments:

Sharon said...

What an honest, thought-provoking post! If only...we were always nice...we never said words we wish we could take back...we had those moments back to do over again...we really WERE perfect. Well, that isn't going to happen in THIS live...so there is grace...and forgiveness...and a new moment to live in love and kindness and niceness! You are beautiful and I am glad God made you just the way you are! I love you!

lindsey said...

Thanks for the reminder to check what I say and when I say it and for the reminder to be thankful for all that God has blessed me with.

Mrs.Rabe said...

I am having a day where things have not gone how I would have chosen, and some really annoying things like a child clogging and overflowing the toilet....

But I must choose to walk in Grace - to be a light for my kids, and example of grace, no matter the circumstance!

Thanks for being transparent!

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