"I hold on to You for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post..." Psalm 63

Monday, June 14, 2010

T-minus 26 hrs and counting....

I'm sitting in my favorite away-from-home corner...
I will miss this place.  I've not been here much in the last two months, but I guess I frequented the corner about once a week prior to that {Tamra at the counter confirmed that when she asked how I've been!}...it's my place to escape.  I've read, prayed, laughed, {probably cried} and had numerous amounts of coffee in this corner.
I will miss it...


This is where I sit as I type...my most favorite things surrounding me.  And, even though it's a public place, somehow it seems very private to me.  It's not quiet at all....there's background music playing, and if I wanted to listen, I could hear snippets of multiple conversations going on around me.  {Such as the cute old couple across from me who are enjoying lunch -at 10am} This morning I decided to hook up my headphones to itunes to further block out what's around me...so, as I type, The Canadian Tenors are singing "Hallelujah" to me. {check it out here} I have no idea what the song is about...I feel like I should probably investigate, but I like their sound.

Anyway...the point.  This is my last morning {mourning} here for a while. After a half day tomorrow, school is out for three months.  I can't in good conscience sit out here while the kids are at home.  AND, there are weeks of painting, packing and moving ahead of us.  So, today, I came to bid farewell to an old friend. 

As I reflect on this last school year and all that it held for my family, I see God's hand of Grace all around us.  Amidst transition and change God has been nearby satisfying, providing and nurturing us all.  His hands of protection and guidance brought Alex through his first year of college..helping him narrow down his plans for his future, cementing in him a calling for Youth Ministry He had placed on him several years ago.  He continues to provide for Alex's needs...almost NEVER in the way he hopes and almost NEVER at the rate of speed he hopes it to come...but isn't that just the way we learn to trust???  It is in the poverty of answers that we learn to still ourselves, wait and trust. 

He has been faithful to us at home also, as Nick has started driving on his own, continues to work through his high school years and is beginning to think of what to do next.  Nick has grown and matured this year in big ways....I see a young man emerging.  I'm beginning to see how a little boy with a strong will and stubborn spirit can use those same things for good.  I read Dr. Dobson's "The Strong-Willed Child" several times during Nick's early years...I finally get it!  God is slowly shaking all of "Nick" out of Nick...He's trying to fill him with Himself...and slowly, I am seeing a take-over. 

Emma has done her own share of growing up this year.  She is the typical youngest child - full of life and laughter {even amidst the moody middle school years!}...her eyes have been opened to alot of new things this year.  Not all of those things have been easy...these are truly formative years.  She sees everything around her....and is learning how to be set apart.  And it's not easy...not when the world around you is relentless in its pursuit of your heart, soul and body.  But, our Faithful God continually reminds me He is bigger, He loves her more, and He is at work in her impressionable heart.  She is beautiful...but beauty can catch us off guard.  It's been a year of whispering over and over that it is God who creates our beauty...it's not from anything our own hands have done.  It is His gift...but there is one who hounds us around every corner who wants to use it as a curse.  He is behind the world's relentless pursuit...but he is second rate to the One who holds her heart.  

SIGH....the Grace and Kindness of the Lord has been all around me this year.  More than I've realized till just now.  When I look at the past twelve years of raising my kids alone I see His touch all around us.  I am so aware of my inability to do it well...to pour in them all that I know and feel and desire for them to learn.  I lack the correct words and the correct ways to teach them.  But, I've lacked them all of my life....and will lack them until my last breath.  It is my constant reminder that on my own I cannot accomlish anything well.  Because I know my empty attempts...I can appreciate His fullness. 

At the beginning of this school year it was my plan to set aside a little time to rediscover God's plans and directions in my life...and then to go after them and end the year with a job and a paycheck.  Again I've discovered that even the best laid plans are not really in my control.  It's been a year of refreshment and discovery, and I've found some things inside me I didn't know were there.  I've discovered more of the ME I lost years ago...the ME I chose to overlook in pursuit of other things.  And, while I'd hoped for a clear map and highlighted path to follow by this point, what I've ended up with is a simple request, "Just wait, and be faithful to whatever I put in front of you today...trust Me...and be content".
 And, so...I continue to seek, search and LIVE. 
It's been a very good year...
As I've typed, my music has changed several times...ending in the one that's playing in the background just moments ago. Very fitting. We are good fodder for the Lord to show He is faithful, that's for sure!

"You're good and your faithfulness goes on and on and on and on and on...
your mercy goes on and on and on and on and on and on....
You are good...
You are good."
{Sportin vintage shades at Mommalicious after warm donuts on Saturday}

3 comments:

vivien said...

terri , thanks for your thoughts! i always enjoy reading them!
i, too, have enjoyed this last morning before school is out tomorrow. i enjoyed my last peaceful bike ride without the nagging thought that i must hurry home to zane and my chores. this past year has been a refreshing year for me with having no kids at home,( after 10 yrs of homeschooling). zane had a wonderful teacher who loved him and loves the LORD... so i have had a year that was like a breath of fresh air! life goes on, tho, and come fall i bet we will both see GODs hand in bringing us another refreshing school year as it progresses.... not always easy, but HIS presence visable as we keep our eyes on HIM and open! :)
love you!

Christine said...

How I miss you and your fantastic children!! I really love you all!

amy said...

Beautiful post Terri!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...