Toddlers do not need tiara's..

My daughter was home from school today with a stomach ache.  It's afternoon now and she's feeling somewhat better.  But now she's bored, needing something to do with herself.

In walks a little thing called "FREE ON DEMAND", 

and next thing I know there are little girls walking across runways sporting fancy dresses

 and more makeup and hairspray than I use in a year.

Mother Tricia, in her sugary sweet way, just explained that she "prayed and prayed for God to send her a little girl who would become Miss America"...and now 15 month old Sami Jo is sporting makeup and strutting herself in a big poofy dress across a big scary stage.   Meanwhile, to attract her attention, her mom is squealing like a pig in the most unattractive way.  Sami Jo may win a prize for beauty, but I secretly hope they disqualify her for her mother's most unsightly display of stupidity.  To everyone's disappointment, Sami Jo is more interested in tumbling than her model walk.  

Too bad, Sami Jo...no Grand Supreme title for you tonight, sweetie.

Meanwhile, Child Star #2 is crying over getting her  fake eyelashes put on and her eyebrows waxed

 while her mother stands by clapping and smiling.  When the hair and makeup are applied she looks like a freakishly short 30 year old.  And SOMEhow, in a turn of events that is just too hard to comprehend, they have convinced her father to join her on stage for her "Fancy wear" portion of the evening.  He is dressed in some kind of ridiculous Egyptian costume, and frankly it will probably lead to the fall of Cleopatra.
 Fancy.
At the last minute, Miss Fancy Wear has decided to do a "TALENT".  Of course, mom tries to talk her out of it. Turns out, Miss Fancy doesn't HAVE a talent....which is evident the moment she starts belting out "Mary Had a Little Lamb".  I need not point out how embarrassed Stage Mommy is by this display.

Some of the girls wear something called "flippers".  

Not these... 

Should a little lady have a gap in her teeth or even worse, lost her baby teeth, 

she must wear one of these to fill in the gap...

Some of these girls are so mean and spoiled rotten I can hardly stand it. 

It's all pretty sick.   

The little girls are quite cute without all of their makeup, but the moms

...downright RIDICULOUS.

And the amount of money that goes into the costuming, salon visits and pageant fees is

  UN-be-lievable.

I'm so mad I will never, ever get that hour back.

I watched the whole spoiled rotten show.

And now I feel like I might lose my lunch.

I don't know who's "BRILLIANT" idea it was to produce this show...

but if someone tried to do the same thing with animals, 

PETA would be 

ALL

OVER
IT