My day started with an overwhelming feeling of being overwhelmed.
There's no better way to say that.
As much as I love
my life
my job
my family
sometimes the fleshing out of day to day life is just plain hard.
Keeping it all together while keeping up with the schedule
is a challenge for me.
I LOVE my job,
but I don't love being a working mom.
It's a dichotomy that I can't fully explain...
nor do I feel I have to make excuses to TRY to explain it
It just is what it is.
And so, on mornings like this morning,
when my heart wants to stay home
while my body is heading into work
I choose.
I choose to be thankful for a job
because others are looking desperately for one...
I choose to be joyful
when what I really want to do is complain...
I choose to breathe gratitude in deeply
instead of exhaling my discontentment...
I choose...
I choose to choose these things-
because if I don't choose,
I'm afraid it'll get pretty ugly.
After whispered pleas of help,
another work day began...
An unexpected call from Nick a few hours later stopped me short...
We're counting down the weeks and days until he will ship out to
Marine Boot Camp.
5 1/2 weeks and 38 days, to be precise...
We've tucked them into a very neat pile and choose not to dwell heavily
on the impending day...
my excuse goes something like,
"We don't have to think about this today because it's still pretty far away
and we have time.."
But today we came face to face with reality.
The panicked call revealed a ship date of
MONDAY MORNING
After calling my sister and sending a quick SOS to praying friends,
I had no choice but to turn around and continue to work...
{Insert silent prayers of my own: begging God to grant me tunnel vision and the ability to
block out my emotions for a few more hours}
My parents are traveling in Africa
Alex is away for the weekend
and my kids were home alone, processing...
After multiple texts and a constant stream of silent prayers,
a loophole was found and the early date was avoided.
But not before I realized that there are lessons to learn from this day...
Lessons like:
If I say I am a trusting Christian, then I need to BE one.
If I say that God is my peace, then I need to let Him be when I need it.
If I choose joy in one difficult situation, then I know full well that I have to choose it in the next one, too.
Time is short and it will not wait until I am "ready".
I felt my singleness today more than ever.
I realize that I will be processing through this day to day on my own.
I have a super network of support...
but day to day, it's just me
and that's overwhelming.
We will make it through
I will make it through...
this is a new journey- veering off onto a sometimes unwelcomed path
I don't relish what lies ahead...
but it's coming sooner rather than later.
I am overwhelmed but not overtaken...
Today we're healthy
we're together
and tomorrow is another new day...
"I hold on to you for dear life,
and you hold me steady as a post."
